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An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

A 93 year old man sitting on the street, crying. A woman asks him, what’s wrong? The old man

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

The cowboy walks into a hotel. The bellboy asks him"How many sheets do you want on your bed?"The cowboy

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show

Tarzan was walking through the jungle one day and got into a fight with a lion.The lion rips off one

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

3 Men are walking through the jungle when they are captured by native tribesman. The tribesman take the

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight.

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

A newly married man asks his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?""Darling,"

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said,

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells,

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk,

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,

A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower -

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

A trucker who has been out on the road for two

Two atoms are walking down the road and one exclaims,

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I

One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. ââ,¬Å"Iââ,¬â"¢ve

A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ââ,¬Å"Doctor,ââ,¬Â

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for

God was talking to Adam one day when Adam begins

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink,

One day a man walked in on his son masturbating.

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender,

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide

One morning, a blonde decides to do a jig-saw puzzle

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

A woman wakes up one morning and open the blinds.

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

Three men are on a plane. The first one throws

There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American,

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

A grey goose walks into a bar and says" I'd like

There were three astronauts an American, a Russian,

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple''s

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen

A man at a retirement home was walking around with

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix

A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City. It's

There is this old couple and they have been married

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

An infamous killer is on death row. He is allowed

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

One day a blonde went into a department store.

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

A lady walks into her doctors office screaming.

This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord

A man walks into a bar. Bartender asks what'll

A boy walks into his parents room to find his mom

There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination.

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

A waiter asks a man, ââ,¬Å"May I take your

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young,

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

A secretary goes into her boss' office and asks,

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello.

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he

George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning

Fred and his brother, "Donkey" walk into a pub

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

Once a Sardarji (a caste man in India ) goes to

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all

G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were

A man walks up to the whitehouse and shouts to

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor,

A honeymoon couple are lying in bed when the husband

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

Johnny comes back from school crying and says,

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad

A guy walks into a store and buys six jumbo boxes

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but

There was this Indian who just came back from a

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading

An elderly woman comes home and finds her daughter

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells

Two men are sharing a hospital room. "What are

A little boy and his father are walking down the

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

A man comes home from work and finds his wife screwing

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

A father and his son go into the grocery store

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there.

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

An old man goes to see the doctor and gets some

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room

This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees

Two college students are in Ireland for a vacation

Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church,

A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees

One day a preacher goes to visit an elderly lady.

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

A brunette is walking through the country, when

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

An old man and a young man work together in an

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across

A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down.

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc

A man walks into a bar with three little ducks

This blonde was walking down a road carrying a

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive

A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out

One night a man walked into a bar with a brown

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says,

Two guys are at their house. They decide to play

A guy calls into a radio station and he says

A wife comes in and yells, ''Honey, pack your clothes!

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy

This guy with a really small head walks into a

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

The was a man named George who got a new job.

A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

A Texan is bragging to a New Englander. ââ,¬Å"In

A man came in to heaven and God wanted to go on

A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on

Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day,

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.

A guy walks into a doctor''s office. He has a

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right

A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house

Tom walks out of a bar, swaying back and forth

There was a woman who was interested in getting

Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk

This old guy goes into a church in a small town

A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

After a really good party a man walks into a bar

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

Tarzan falls from his vine while he is swinging

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

A man goes to a doctor for his annual prostate

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping

A man walks into a pub and sits down at a table.

This lady goes to the doctor for a check up. When

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout

A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling

A young woman walks into an adult book store and

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks

A drunk guy is telling a bartender how much he

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders spaghetti.

A woman walks into a gynecologist's office for

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

A hunter gets up early one morning and tells his

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one

A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the

A young boy walks in on his mother in the bathtub.

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I

There was a guy walking down the street when he

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit

Grandfather and grandson, on a stroll on their

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

A woman walks into a store and asks the pharmacist

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. The gatekeeper

Jimmy White walks into a bar and orders a beer,

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

Three blonde friends were walking home from a party

A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when

A fat dude goes to his doctors, because he needed

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

A grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and

The privacy partition in the confessional booth

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

A lady is in a confession booth. She says to the

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A little kid walks into a movie theater one day.

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

"Please remove your blouse and bra," says the doctor

Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first one

A couple has been together for thirty years and

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender

A man comes home to his wife, and he is chuckling.

Man visits doctor with apple stuck in mouth,

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon in Hawaii.

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

A wife comes home and tells her husband, “Dear,

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

A man walking his son in the park one day came

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm. One

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.

A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

There is this trucker and he is driving down the

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer

A girl wants to borrow the car from her dad, so

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

One day this man says to his wife, "Lets take a

A kid stands up in class and says, "Teacher, teacher,

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

The seven dwarves are in Rome and they go on a

There are two cows in a field. One says to the

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A minister has just died and is standing in line

A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when

A father has three daughters that are all getting

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and

A guy goes out one day, hunting for bear. After

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion,

A married man goes to confessional and tells the

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

    A couple go to Mexico City for

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

A visiting professor at the University of Montana

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

A gentleman is sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

Tiger Woods     A couple were on

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

    A woman walks into her accountant's

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

After several years of serving the church in a

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

    A businessman boards a flight

A young man sits down at a bar. "What can I get

    Four old Catholic women are

Three friends die in a car accident and they

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

A man and a woman who have never met before find

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A teenage boy and his grandfather

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes

A businessman returns from the far east. After

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are

A judge was punishing three men because they had

    Monica walks into her dry cleaning

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom,

A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks

A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, "Why

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

A man walks in a bank, gets in line, and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun and robs the bank! But,

Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, the dentist says, "That

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City Christmas Shopper Seniors down a highway, when

A blonde is roller-skating down the board-walk one day. She's just skating along in her lycra pants,

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

An 87 year old man is celebrating his birthday with all the members of his family at the Old Folks

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster

"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!" "Good

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The teams performance soars. They

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies,

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I''ve got a special game for you. I''ll

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.. One from New Jersey,

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying

An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "snowbirds" in Texas. Ray had always wanted a pair of authentic

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror while her husband reads in bed. "I feel horrible,

Davie walks into a bar and sees his friend Norm slumped over the bar. Davie walks over and asks Norm

A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, " I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection.

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What

A very disheveled, unattractive, profoundly obese, smelly, mean acting, nasty in EVERY sense of the

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor

Two scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"? The

A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some "Polish Sausage." The clerk looked at him and

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies,

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees,

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

A man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his

Mrs. Shapiro, the Matchmaker, goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Cohen,

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

A man goes into hospital for a vasectomy. When he wakes up he's surrounded by several anxious looking

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've

Guy in Arkansas comes home to find two suitcases packed on his front porch. "What's goin' on honey?",

While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

A groom and his newlywed wife go to the Hilton on their honeymoon. They check in at the front, and

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven,

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest,"bless me,father,for i have sinned. "i

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

A guy is trying to relax at home, but his wife keeps nagging him to mow the lawn. Finally, in between

A guy, holding a duck under his arm, walks up to his wife and says: "This is the pig I've been screwing

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out.... "Pa, You need to go out and fix the

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitols. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me,

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she

God and Adam are talking in the Garden of Eden one day and God asks "How are you doing?" Adam replies

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

Jason wanted to get his blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, but also something

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona and sees that the car's oil-pressure light is on.

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

Husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front.

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

This hillbilly kid goes into a drugstore and asks the druggist for a box of condoms. The druggist

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, "Do

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

One day a nice young couple were on their way to the Justice of the Peace to get married. They had

A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe there. He spends

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" "A horsy," one child answers. "And

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?"

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front.

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The

This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy. A blonde woman walks into an auto

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.

A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown paper

Two rednecks were given a special SAT test to meet their admission requirements to the Military Academy.

Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you

Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

A woman walks into a hardware store and says, "I want to buy a hinge." The clerk says, "Do you wanna

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sips it and sets it down. A monkey swings across the bar

A man is in a bar and he gets really drunk and he goes home. He comes back the next day to get his

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off;

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings.

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, " I hear that the

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over

A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well