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Jokes

Communication

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter."What are you

So Stupid And So Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same

Farmer Joe

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

Dirty Birds

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots,

Bra

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter

Butler

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

ON THE ROOF

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

Elevator

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

Three Kicks

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

In school one day, the teacher decided that ...

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes...

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

Highly Illogical

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows ...

This week, the Bush administration finally released

I Had a Dream

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said,

Golf Genie

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

Soldier's Recovery

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

Charming

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

George W. Bush was caught breaking

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House

Pre-Med Upstart

As a pre-med student at Washington University in

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

Tea Time

An American cowboy was traveling in England and

Wife's Confessions

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

The Call of Nature

One fine day in the middle of class at school,

Barnum & Bailey

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

Isolated Duty

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

The Mystery of the Thermos

A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man

Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

Blonde and shower caps

A blonde was walking down the street with shower

Harvard, Yale, and Urinal Etiquette

A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during

Where did I put it?

A girl was standing talking to her friends when

Rabbi and Priest

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

Nasty Eskimo

A man was walking down the street and saw an

The Fridge

Bertha was worried about her husband George, so

A Lesson in Government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

Daddies Bond Over a Beer

There were three men in a bar. All three were

Bad Car Day

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

Tartar Control

A man named George was new in the city and needed

The Devil, the Lawyers and the Staircase

Three lawyers died and went to hell. Satan told

Don't Need One of Those

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the

Blonde and Pizza

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if

Tight As A Mouse

A happy little mouse was walking along one day

Pickup Truck Full of Blondes

Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up.

Interview Don'ts

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Getting Weighed

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

A Nun? Drinking!?

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block

Amish Woman Driver

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her

The Cab Driver Goes to Heaven

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces

Moon Talking

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

If Men Ruled the World

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

Never Seen A Priest

An old man from a far off land was once on the

A Misuse of NASA Technology

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to

And Who Are These for, Little Boy?

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

Gorilla Golf

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

Erin Go Bra Shopping

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,

Sex and The Country

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

The Creation of Man

God created the mule, and told him, "You

The Duck and the Lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Chemistry Class

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

Stuttering Salesman

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

Farmer Joe's Favorite Mule

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

Baby Planes

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

First Wedding

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women

Indian Winter

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

Change of Mind

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

Southern Law

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies

The Southern Lady

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

Million Dollar Question

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

What Time Is It?

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other

Who Wants to be a Millionaire

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Suspension

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball

Taxiway

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Take Care of the Big Rocks First

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

Wrong Number

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

Jewish Bra

A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told

Hunting Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you

Creation

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the

Power Outage

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so

The Experiment

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

Selling Bibles

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

The Barber

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

Redneck Divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

The Tables are Turned

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

Forgive Your Enemies?

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

Rolex & Timex

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names

Long Cold Winter

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

Can We Sue?

Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies

Before You Meet God

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

Educated Athletes?

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Intelligence

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole

Her Diary/His Diary

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

Lost Helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

Type of Bras

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter

Physics Class

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a

Logic

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

Brain Transplant

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

Louisiana Law

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

Policemen in Heaven

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you

Retired Joy

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

The Practical Engineer

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

Work Disability

A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer. "Yes,

Dancing With a Child

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

Password

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game this

Cause and Effect

An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not

Old Age Marraige Problems

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the

Out of Towner

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked

Verbal Battle

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little

Pain in The Side

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

Lawyer's Revenge

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off

Parrots

A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female

The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

Flying Lessons

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone