returned

A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days,

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

Three couples went in to see the minister about

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

A southern girl returned home after a summer with

A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

There were three southern belles that were sisters,

A penguin was driving his car down the highway

A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange

One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

A man named George was new in the city and needed

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on

There was a successful doctor who had an office

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

When an attractive young girl returned from her

What is the clumsiest insect? The Bumbling Bee.

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

A couple took their young son for his first visit

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

    A young reporter once covered

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

Three couples went in to see the minister to see

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies,

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr.

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking

A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies,

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A reporter was doing a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records.

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes,

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't