river

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

A motorcycle cop pulled over a Lamborghini Diablo

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

Why did the zombie baby cross the road? To wreak

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

Why was Christina Aquilera surprised when she looked

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven,

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

What's the difference between your mother and a

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

One day three men were walking along and came upon

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank

What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

Do you know what conceited is? Conceited is

You know you're a redneck if you have sex ed and

A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

Why did the redneck school stop teaching sex ed?

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

Why did the blonde build a bridge across the river?

All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving

Why was the blonde mad when she got her drivers

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

There was a long line of souls before the gate

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver

Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned?

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

An owner offered one hundred dollars to anyone

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

A man gets on a bus with only a nun and the driver.

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains

A man is driving down the road and notices a car

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

A southern minister was completing a temperance

A cop pulls over a drunk driver. The drunk driver

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. "If

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Did you know their making a movie about the Grand

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River,

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes

A cat and a chicken die but end up in the wrong

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Yo Mama is so short, you can see her feet on her

There were three guys who where rowing a canoe

1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

Why don't women need driver's licenses? Because

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

Why don't they teach drivers ed. and sex ed. in

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

Two drivers came to a bridge over which only one

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

This blonde gets pulled over by a cop, who walks

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?

A man got pulled over by a cop because he was

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She

What has a mouth but no teeth? A river!

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving

It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

You are so fat, you rented a 250-foot long limo,

A minister has just died and is standing in line

Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin',

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly.

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A:

Yo mama is so fat that her driver's license says,

What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A southern minister was completing a temperance

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

Our Rights: The following was written by State

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

    Dear Son,    

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City Christmas Shopper Seniors down a highway, when

Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

A couple of rednecks went on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see.

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors decided to have a canoe race

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

I've sure gotten old. I've had 2 By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A West Virginia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A blonde was standing on the river bank looking confused when she spotted another blonde across the

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem