Jokes
One for you and One for me
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and
Penis size
A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have
Old Ghost Face
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple
Airbag
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the
Elevator
After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were
Tarzan
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his
Make sure he's dead
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't
Top Ten Pick Up Lines Women Should Use
10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.
You Can Take it With You
There was a man who had worked all of his life,
Cris Cross
Yo mama so cross-eyed, when she crys, tears rolled
Jungle Fever
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she
Milking it
A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s
The Geography of Men and Women
The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of
Canadian Gum
A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants
An Atheist and a Bear
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,
A Redneck Retaliation
A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with
Assembly Required
A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting
Preacher Playing Hooky
A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked
Would You Marry Again?
A husband and wife were lying in bed together one
Bush at the Wheel
Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of
Blonde's Finals
A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.
Call on an Expert
Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet
Tarzan Meets Jane
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was
The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby
Math Trouble
A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled
Monster Tag
There was a guy driving down the road when he ran
Bar: Chilling Pick-up Line
A fellow strolled up to a lady at the bar and introduced
The Lawyer Has an Accident
A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped
Elvis in the Flesh
Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled
Flower Bribes
One Friday, two women were sitting and talking.
Dinner on the Road
There were these two bums and they were hungry
Fishin' or Buggery?
There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday
Free Sex with Fill Up
Two good ol' boys were driving down the road
Careful What You Wish For
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive
Not All Blondes Are Dumb
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps
Space Shuttle Redneck
How'd the redneck git lost in space? He rolled
Two Babies in a Crib
A boy baby and a girl baby are lying in their crib
Zip It. Zip It Good.
In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful
St. Peter and the Blondes
Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.
Twinkie
A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS
A Dirty Little Number
Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
This Duck-Hunting Dog Is AWESOME
There was a man once that was always talking about
Rollin' Down
The better part of you must have rolled down your
"Honey, I Can't Perform!"
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.
Taxed Blonde
A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a
Bubba Died in a Fire
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty
Stroke of Bad Luck
A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before
Chicken Wire & Duct Tape
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front
Hot Temper-ature
A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of
Identifying Clyde
Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and
Yo Mama's so fat... After sex
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over
OSU
An Ohio State University mortician student walked
Fitness Freak and Frustrated Wife
One morning, while she was making
Jesus and Satan are having a conversation...
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument
The Golfer's Confession
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,
U. Michigan/Ohio State
An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician
Bill of Rights
Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers
Golf Confessional
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my
Kick in the Ass
Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by
Poker
Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When
Women
Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot
Female Compassion
Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only
Care To Go Upstairs?
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs
Father Norton
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early
In a Vacuum
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed
Murphy's Technology Laws
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method
Little Cussing Johnny
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his
Labrador Pup
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car
Take Care of the Big Rocks First
Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in
Involuntary Muscles
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary
Death Row
There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice
Blonde Murder Victim
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,
Don't Fart In Bed
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage
Top 5 Smart Ass Answers
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
Nuts by the Fence
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One
Actual Writings on Hospital Charts
1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient
Never Tick off a Nurse!
A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses
Tommy and Math
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,
Golf and the Physiotherapist
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards
Murder at The Safeway
Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems
Warning! New STD Alert!
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted
Headlines 2029 AD
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally
Holy Trick
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful
The Geography of Women
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,
Poker Player Strategy - All's fair in Poker
I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.
Job Ads Made Easy
What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really
Vacuum
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed
Crotchless Panties
A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's
Cowboy Logic
A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming
Rookie Police Officer
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call
Playing Craps
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and
Best Excuses for Not Going to Work
1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all
Breaking a Window
A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.
Who's that man ?
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans
Tarzan and Jane
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about
How to Clean your Mouse
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral
Gynecology and Mechanics
A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled
Golfing Preacher
There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the
One for Me, One for You
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and
The General
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost