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One for you and One for me

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

Penis size

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

Old Ghost Face

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

Airbag

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

Elevator

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

Tarzan

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his

Make sure he's dead

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't

Top Ten Pick Up Lines Women Should Use

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

You Can Take it With You

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

Cris Cross

Yo mama so cross-eyed, when she crys, tears rolled

Jungle Fever

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she

Milking it

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

The Geography of Men and Women

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

Canadian Gum

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

An Atheist and a Bear

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A Redneck Retaliation

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with

Assembly Required

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

Preacher Playing Hooky

A preacher woke up one Sunday morning and looked

Would You Marry Again?

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one

Bush at the Wheel

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

Blonde's Finals

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.

Call on an Expert

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

Tarzan Meets Jane

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

The Shiny-Walled Box Thingie

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

Math Trouble

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

Monster Tag

There was a guy driving down the road when he ran

Bar: Chilling Pick-up Line

A fellow strolled up to a lady at the bar and introduced

The Lawyer Has an Accident

A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped

Elvis in the Flesh

Being a huge Elvis fan, a pretty, young woman strolled

Flower Bribes

One Friday, two women were sitting and talking.

Dinner on the Road

There were these two bums and they were hungry

Fishin' or Buggery?

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

Free Sex with Fill Up

Two good ol' boys were driving down the road

Careful What You Wish For

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Not All Blondes Are Dumb

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

Space Shuttle Redneck

How'd the redneck git lost in space? He rolled

Two Babies in a Crib

A boy baby and a girl baby are lying in their crib

Zip It. Zip It Good.

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

St. Peter and the Blondes

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

Twinkie

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

A Dirty Little Number

Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"

This Duck-Hunting Dog Is AWESOME

There was a man once that was always talking about

Rollin' Down

The better part of you must have rolled down your

"Honey, I Can't Perform!"

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

Taxed Blonde

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a

Bubba Died in a Fire

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

Stroke of Bad Luck

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

Chicken Wire & Duct Tape

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

Hot Temper-ature

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

Identifying Clyde

Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and

Yo Mama's so fat... After sex

Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over

OSU

An Ohio State University mortician student walked

Fitness Freak and Frustrated Wife

    One morning, while she was making

Jesus and Satan are having a conversation...

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

The Golfer's Confession

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

U. Michigan/Ohio State

    An OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY mortician

Bill of Rights

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

Golf Confessional

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

Kick in the Ass

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

Poker

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

Women

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

Female Compassion

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

Care To Go Upstairs?

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

Father Norton

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early

In a Vacuum

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

Murphy's Technology Laws

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Little Cussing Johnny

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

Labrador Pup

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

Take Care of the Big Rocks First

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

Involuntary Muscles

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary

Death Row

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

Blonde Murder Victim

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

Don't Fart In Bed

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

Top 5 Smart Ass Answers

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Nuts by the Fence

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One

Actual Writings on Hospital Charts

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

Never Tick off a Nurse!

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

Tommy and Math

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

Golf and the Physiotherapist

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

Murder at The Safeway

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

Warning! New STD Alert!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

Headlines 2029 AD

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

Holy Trick

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful

The Geography of Women

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

Poker Player Strategy - All's fair in Poker

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

Job Ads Made Easy

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

Vacuum

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

Crotchless Panties

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

Cowboy Logic

A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming

Rookie Police Officer

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

Playing Craps

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

Best Excuses for Not Going to Work

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

Breaking a Window

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

Who's that man ?

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans

Tarzan and Jane

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about

How to Clean your Mouse

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

Gynecology and Mechanics

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

Golfing Preacher

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

One for Me, One for You

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

The General

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost