running

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where

A little rabbit is running happily through the

Q:Whatââ,¬â"¢s funnier than kicking a zombie

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

A bank robber was running from the law. The police

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A drunk leprechaun was staggering home with a pint

At a news conference, a journalist said to the

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said,

You'd better watch out, You'd better not cry, You'd

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

What's grosser than gross? Popping a boner and

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

Two campers were hiking in the forest when all

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

There's a fire at the whorehouse -- some come out

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed

A railroad worker was cuting the grass away from

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there

Q: What did the doe say when she came running out

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday

There was a 80 year-old man that married a 21 year-old

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says,

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

A young Indian brave goes up to the Chief and says,

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A market researcher called at a house and his knock

Every morning a man drives to the dock, and every

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

You so ugly, that isn't a hair line—it's your

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and

There was a competition between a team of blondes

One day a woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous

You might be a redneck if you think “wind

A little boy was in school, he raised his hand

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very

A guy comes home early one day from work. And

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill,

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

One day a little girl came running into her house

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

There was a guy walking down the street in San

Pussy Hair: Nature's dental floss Hermaphroditic

One day there were two boys playing by a stream

A little girl came running into the house crying

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole

There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

A young priest was visting a convent. One day he

Hugh Hefner and Dennis Weaver were both at a party

1. I think the parking meter is running out, I'll

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

To my darling wife: During the past year,

One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked

The pentagon said they had too many generals running

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful,

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

    A young man just got a new job

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

There has been a recent discovery among archives

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

Running Doe, a young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you? So

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dreaded disorder

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

A guy was walking down the street when he was startled to see a beautiful, young nude girl running

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers.

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!! B... WINDOWS Woman:

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A husband went to work at 9 in the morning as usual. For some reason he had to be back home later during

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.