school

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

mom: "wake up son, it's time for you to go to school."son: "but mom, i don't wanna go to school."mom:

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth

First-year students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

Stan and John are walking to school one day and

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

A nun at a Catholic school is asking her students

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the

Little Mary always fell asleep at Sunday school

The Principal of an elementary school went into

You might be a redneck if your daddy walked you

There was a young girl who loved to wear skirts

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

There was a little girl named Fufu. She went

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all

At the rate law schools are turning them out, by

At a high school an English teacher is busy with

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

A kid came home from school and asked his dad,

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Knock, Knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? I know

Yo mama is so ugly, when you came home from school,

One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

On the first day of school in Houston, a teacher

According to a news report, a certain private school

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Why did Harry Potter have to repeat his first year

Little Johnny came home from school one day and

He meets Satan, who says, "You are supposed to

Q: What are dentists? A: People who failed medical

A boy goes to the drugstore with his dad and sees

Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one

Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your

On the first day of school, a teacher asked her

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

Bush was speaking at a High School, he was asked

As a pre-med student at Washington University in

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

A kid walks into a lunchroom at school and sees

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

Johnny comes back from school crying and says,

Why are fish so smart? Because they live

Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick,

Yo mama's so fat that when she sees a school bus

One fine day in the middle of class at school,

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

Your Mama's so fat that when she went to school

''As soon as I get out of high school I am going

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school.

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The

Why did the bully go to beauty school? To tease

What kind of math don't they teach in school?

A kid was late for school one day. "I had to take

What did the father buffalo say to the son buffalo

Yo mama is so fat, she put on a yellow raincoat

There is this third grade class with this kid named

Why did the redneck school stop teaching sex ed?

A father and his son go into the grocery store

A little boy came home from school one day and

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges,

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach

What has four wheels, is yellow, and lays on its

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but

A little boy was in school, he raised his hand

You can tell when you're a Redneck when you walk

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

One day there were four people absent from class.

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail

A blonde came home from school one day and said

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in

One day four boys were playing soccer in the schoolyard.

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally

At a high school an English teacher is busy with

A boy was in school and the teacher asks him, ''Bobby,

"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf!

The teacher was checking her student roster on

What did the tampon say to the other tampon in

Mother: Come on, Victor, you have to get out of

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

A little girl came home from school and told her

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom

A grade school teacher was asking students what

It was this little girl's first day of school and

One time, back in the day, a boy named Johnny was

You're like school in the summertime: no class

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

Where would you learn how to make ice cream?

One day two girls were trying out for the school

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

You might be a redneck if you high school fight

You might be a redneck if your father walks you

Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from Law

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little

One day the pre-school teacher said, “We're

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill

      AT&T fired President John

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

   As you grow older, what lost

A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. "What

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

    What to not say to the nice

1) You define summer as three months of bad

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

Three friends die in a car accident and they

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

It is near the end of the school year.  The

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron

A young female teacher was giving an assignment

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept throught the class.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood.

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

Little Zachary was doing poorly in math. His parents, after exhausting all other incentives, finally

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his

One day little Johnny went to school. His teacher said they were going to play a game. She would place

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer.

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies

A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

A Texas family of football supporters head out one Saturday to the outlet mall to do their tax-free

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist's

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

You are different and that's bad. Pop goes the hamster......and other great microwave games. What

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made.

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What do attorneys use for birth control? Their

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. "I

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

There was a girl who went to sunday school and always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked and pointed

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Jimmy

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

Times change. Recently there was a demonstration by a large number of students at several Howard

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the

Little Johnny goes to class one day to find that he has a substitute teacher. As the class gets settled

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school

A seven year-old turns up in his classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher: "Morning

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use