screw

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light

Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to

Q: How many bleached-blonde, boney, right-wing,

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a

How many programmers does it take to screw in a

How many stoners does it take to screw in a light

How many marmasetts does it take to screw in a

A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach

10. No roof damage from reindeer 9. Never a silent

A football coach noticed that his star tackle,

Q: How many Northern Californians does it take

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Ross Perot are

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two.

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

How many old timey gangsters does it take to screw

How many manic depressives does it take to screw

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young,

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

Hearts and roses and kisses galore... What the

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a

How many Osamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None.

Knock Knock Who's there? Yo mama. Yo mama who? Yo

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

He meets Satan, who says, "You are supposed to

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 1)

Gary Condit was on a sinking ship and everyone

What's the difference between a pregnant woman

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

George W. Bush is the President Dick Cheney is

A woman was visiting an Indian reservation one

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

What's the difference between a pregnant woman

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to screw

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

Yo mama's so fat that when I screwed her, I burnt

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Q: How many gay men does it take to screw in a

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

There were five thousand Smurfs, and one Smurfette,

How many IBM employees does it take to screw in

A man with an average handicap decides to play

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A man comes home from work and finds his wife screwing

A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had

A woman went into a department store and told the

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a

One night a Scottish couple took a walk through

How many Arkansas policemen does it take to screw

How many Californians does it take to screw in

How many Microsoft technicians does it take to

How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a

Q: What is 6.9? A: 69 screwed up by a period.

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

Two lawyers are walking down the street, when a

Why are men born with more brains than dogs?

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box

A woman was being raped by an escaped mental patient.

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction

How many perverts does it take to put in a light

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs,

What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

1. Is it any coincidence that your blouse matches

How many yankees does it take to screw in an

Two guys were driving down the road when they

Yo' mama so wrinkly, she has to screw on her underwear!

How many rednecks, does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three.

Three men want to marry the king's most beautiful

A woman comes into a hardware store. "May I help

How are men like lightbulbs? You have to screw

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned

A news reporter decided to do a column on old Southern

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says

An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner. "If

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? BINGO!

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

How many programmers does it take to screw in a

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Michael Jackson, his lawyer, and a small, cute

Yo' mama's like a virus -- it spreads and your

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

How many Christians does it take to screw in a

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees

It is Rennaissance Italy and Lothario and his friend

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw a light

A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. ''Honey,

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough

Two golfers meet on the same golf course, on the

Did you hear about the guy who screwed his sister-in-law?

A prostitute on the street was approached by a

Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

A reporter went up into the hills of West Virginia

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw

Q: How many men does it take to screw a light bulb

Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? Because

Three men sat at a bar discussing the Christmas

One night, three guys are at a bar talking and

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

How is the modus operandi of a cowardly, nynmphomanical

Bush and Dick: Put 'em together and you're screwed.

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

Why is the government like a prostitute? You're

Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington

How many people does it take to screw in a light

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking through the woods

1: Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick

What do you get when you cross Pikachu with porn?

How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

Q: How many Computer Scientists does it take to

A man walking his son in the park one day came

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but

A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside

What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Two,

Yo' mama's like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw!

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

How are lawyers like whores? They both get

To my darling wife: During the past year,

How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty

How many male chauvinists does it take to screw

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.

What did the nut say to the bolt? Screw me!

How many minutes does it take a blonde to screw

Have you heard about the blonde psychology major

Q: What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver? A:

Q. What is the definition of "making love?" A:

How many interns does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What's the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

Willy, a mental patient, mimes driving a car as

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

    A young reporter once covered

    A fireman came from work one

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

Date     It's the Spring of 1957

A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true

    Two explorers are flying over

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

A businessman returns from the far east. After

1. In the company of females, intercourse

What do turtles and blondes have in common? If

Ã, Ã, Ã,  If you receive an e-mail

Our Rights: The following was written by State

A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in

01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car.

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked a guy how to get a date. The

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says,

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from

A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women, a blonde, a brunette and

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy

A guy, holding a duck under his arm, walks up to his wife and says: "This is the pig I've been screwing

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. She

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

On the night of their 40th anniversary the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

Two gay gentlemen were walking through a zoo. They came across the gorillas and after a while they

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

"What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Judi, the

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

A gorgeous young woman gets into a taxi one day. On the way, the cabby asks her, "Hey baby, would

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how

A woman walks into a hardware store and says, "I want to buy a hinge." The clerk says, "Do you wanna

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all