seconds

Three vampires were on a tree, each bragging about being the best vampire of the three. All of the sudden,

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

A Blonde goes to a barber and asks for a haircut.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

There were these two bums and they were hungry

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

Tell me everything you know...I have a few seconds

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. The gatekeeper

There are approximately two billion children (persons

These two boys were talking about their sex lives

A farmer walked into a bar with a horse. He said,

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

    Three blokes enter a disabled

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

-It is always possible to park directly outside

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A young boy goes to the zoo with his father. As they are passing the elephant exhibit the youngster

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at Harvard University. Take your time and

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

A city slicker, named Tommy, was on vacation in Texas. His hosts, being very hospitable, invited him

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

Scenario: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam it was time to populate the earth. He

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk