Jokes
Deduction
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write
Tai-Chi King
In a company there's this tai-chi king. His tai-chi has reached the level where even the boss could do
Simple Math
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:Dear Wife (that's
RENT FOR APARTMENT
A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before
Never hire a man to do a woman's job
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions
Area 51
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as
New Ears
A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size
Toothpaste
A little girl accidentally walks in on her father while he's getting dressed. She points to his dick
45th Birthday
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast
Dark Secret
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that
I know the whole truth
At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,
Man vs Woman
RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are f
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are
Give or Take a Gazillion
The Secretary of Defense is briefing President
Bill and Hillary
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at
Future Handicapping
George W. was out jogging one morning along the
Thin Books
Worldââ,¬â"¢s thinnest books 20. BEAUTY
Change Up
The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row
Bubba Hump
A football coach noticed that his star tackle,
War Pigs
Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in
RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES
RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is
Magic Puddle
One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk
Running for Office
George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when
Chair Man of the Board
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's
Stayin' Alive
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long
Not Your Typical Chicken Joke
Why did the chicken cross the road? Part of a
There was this redneck that walked into a ...
There was this redneck that walked into a bar and
The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows ...
This week, the Bush administration finally released
Marriage Requirments
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining
Little Leprechaun?
A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see's a sign
Little Wanky
At a news conference, a journalist said to the
Capitalism for Dummies
Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You
We take you now to the Oval Office
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:
Kofi Annanââ,¬â"¢s New Year's UN Resolutions
Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper
Highbrow Genital Jokes
My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully
Famous People Say the Darndest Things
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back
Voodoo Enronomics
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some
Taliban Poetic Justice
My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?" Well,
50 Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden...
Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited
Afghani TV Guide
MONDAY 8:00 - "Husseinfeld" 8:30 - "Mad About Everything" 9:00
Dictaphone
A secretary goes into her boss' office and asks,
C.E.O. D.U.M.B
One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break,
How to be Annoying in the Computer Lab
Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton...
Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at
Bush BM
President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case
Jenna's Predicament
JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna
White House Synonyms
George W. Bush is the President Dick Cheney is
Naked Man on the Run
A man was having an affair with a married woman.
Bush's Morning Run
A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies
Bush and Gore, together again
Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side
Hit Television Shows in Iraq...
"Husseinfeld" "Mad About Everything" "U.S. Military
Funny Answering Machine Messages
1) The president is not in his/her office at this
The Reason Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and
The Toothbrush Salesman
Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as
The Sexy Negligee
One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is
Christmas Bonus
Boss: Who said that just because I tried to kiss
Presidential with a P
One day while taking a walk outside of the White
Ha, The Joke's On You
There was this guy who always went out drinking
$500 Porsche
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his
Men, Don't Say this at Victioria's Secret
10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9.
Smellin' Wood
Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.
Oh, Those Darn Lawyers
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their
Pickle in the Pants
There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous
Golf On The Sly
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
All I Want Is A Drink
A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked
One Arm, Two Arm, Red Arm, Blue Arm
Horace was born with only one arm but he managed
Henry Ford on Marriage
A reporter asked Henry Ford the secret of his successful
Clinton Hijinx
Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House
All I Want Is a Beer!
A man was out of town on business. While sitting
Redneck's Medical Dictionary
Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor
Presidential surprise
The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy
Lincoln, JFK, & Crazy Coinkydinks
Lincoln and JFK started politics 100 years apart.
The Frugal Clerk
A secretary goes to the company stockroom and requisitions
Confucious and His Wisdom
Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.
Blonde & Cruise
A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and
The Hamster Show
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if
Womanly Secret
Did you hear about the guy who found out the secret
Clinton's Lingerie
When did Bill Clinton go to Victoria's Secret?
The Sex Change
There was a successful doctor who had an office
Clinton in Oz
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and the Secretary of Defense
Titles Considered for Monica's Autobiography
Titles Considered for Monica's Autobiography 1.
Nerd Sayings Galore
1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
If _____ Made Toasters
If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their
Clock Joke
Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock?
You Stink So Bad
You stink so bad you make Right Guard turn left,
Yo Mama's So Smelly... Deordorant
Yo mama's so smelly, her Sure deodorant is confused
Geriatric Sex
Two old biddies were talking about their lives
Morning at the White House
White House staffers were perplexed
Grandma's Trip to Victoria's Secret
Grandma went into Victoria's Secret and wanted
Daily Affirmations
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get
Real Stories of the Non-Technical
I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.
Man Quiz -- Are You Trained?
As you grow older, what lost
Applying for a Job at the CIA
A few months ago, there was
Bring Your Daughter to Work Day
A man comes home with his little daughter, whom
Pre-Nuptial Agreements
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining
Men vs. Women: Round 1
NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose
Taken Apart Like Machines
A young boy asked his mother, "Ma, is it true
Men vs. Women vs. the Short Story
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are
Dear God
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two
Skin Transplant Surgery
A married couple was in a terrible accident where
Hit TV Shows in Iraq
"Husseinfeld" "Mad About Everything" "U.S. Military
Good Quotes
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --
Sunbathing
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on
Indian weatherman
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and
$100.00
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then
Rent for Apartment
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their
Looking Old
Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look
Indian Winter
It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief
Cowboy in a Gay Bar
A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"
Who's on first - Bush style
(We take you now to the Oval Office.) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:
Alabama Quarter
Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more
New Math
The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask
Murphy's Technology Laws
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method
Home Game
Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people
Men Are From Mars
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor
Old Dress
One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica,
Manage Your Stress
Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended
Light Bulb
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny
New Company
These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent
A Letter To My Dogs & Cats
Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes
ine Investment tips for 2006
Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers
Personal Ads
Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian.
Scrap Yard
A company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, "Someone might steal from
The True Origin of the Internet
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself
Agriculture Politics
TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,
Thanksgiving
You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving
George W.
George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing
Sure-Fire Signs There's Trouble On The Job
1) The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo. 2) The Security guard makes a complete
Teaching Math
Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5
Life's Insights
1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.
Golf
In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;
World Series
Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret
Donald Rumsfeld Quotes
I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was
Wisdom Of Homer
THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,
Who's On First for the Next Generation!
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the
Moses at the Airport
Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a
The Shredder
The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary
The Skin Graft
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told
Health Advice
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only
Liberal Press
The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing
Girlfriend 7.0
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the
Going to War
Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President
Help From Canada
PRESS RELEASE: Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President
New Quarters Recalled
Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more
How Dan Rather would have covered D-Day
This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German
Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said
Top 15 Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Wife
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your
Job Ads Made Easy
What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really
Long Cold Winter
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was
Rules for Work
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.
Stress Relief Method
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.
Time Tested
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as
The World's Thinnest Books
World's thinnest Books available at a bookstore near you. FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW
Signs Your Amish Teen's In Trouble
10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women
Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast
The Man Code
1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually
Gay Bar
A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,
The answer is C
This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,
Getting the most from your I.T. department
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,
Bought A Porsche
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get
Diary Of A Mad Viagra Housewife:
Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When
Two Old Pensioners
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first
New Software System
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.
Axis of Evil Wannabes
The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002
Starting a Business Together
These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent
Whole Truth
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret,
Wife's Diaphragm
A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed
Call 911
Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear
Marriage One Liners
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way
Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew:
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if
Federal Agencies
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan
Two Men in a LifeBoat
Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While
Secretarial Position
There is an opening for a secretarial position. The man conducting the interviews asks each candidate
The Tongue
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of
Serious Stealing Case
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years
The Magician and the Parrot
A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so
The Whole Truth
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that
New Face
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor
Back to Front
A young wanna-be stud is vactioning alone in Hawaii. He hits the beach, hoping to meet some young