serve

Joke
Fun
Comedy
Quote



Jokes

A computer walks into a bar

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

Dear Dad

A father, passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything

Opening an Account in the Bank

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

Diary of a Young Wife

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

The world's smartest man

In a small airplane there were four people: the pilot, the Pope, Bill Gates and a hitchhiker. They were

Drinking Politics

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

Gourmet Reporter

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,

Shrooming

A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink,

I want my MTV

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

A ham sandwich walks into a bar...

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender

An airline's passenger cabin was being ...

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

How many lawyers does it take to change a...

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

The Bible for Dummies

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Celebrity Sandwiches

Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce

Top Ten Perks Of Being Saddam Hussein's Stepson

10. For your birthday, you get the head of an infidel

Penis Requests a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

50 Ways To Say ââ,¬Å"I Love Youââ,¬Â

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

Bottom 50 Celebrity Sandwiches

The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted

50 Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden...

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

Bush is a Puppet?

President George W. Bush was getting angry about

Signs You Picked the Wrong ISP

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

What Men Want

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

Yogi Berra Quotes

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise

A Giants fan in Baltimore

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

Megastore, Megasale

The manager of a megastore came to check on his

Irish DUI

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

Human Race

As an outside observer, what do you think of the

Rules of the Southern Lifestyle

All good Southerners already know these, but in

Bubba Claus

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

What Men Need Most

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic

Nerdz

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

Mushroom into Bar

A mushroom goes into a bar and sits down to order

Scientific Beer Study

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested

Women & Alcohol

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains

Stress Defined

Stress: The confusion created when one's mind

Condom Brands

Nike Condoms: Just do it. Mentos Condoms: The

Big Testicles

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

Two Of Dem Dere Lesbians

Two lesbians walk into a whorehouse and ask for

How to be Obnoxious in Jr. High...

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

Punny Pun Pun

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

Heavenly HMO

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

All I Want Is A Drink

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

In the Groove

A hippie saunters into an urban Bar & Grill and

Hooligan Hijinx

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams

All I Want Is a Beer!

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

Lawyers and Lightbulbs, Case #3

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

Handbags

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

Things You Don't Want to Hear in the Airport

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

Religious Views of the World

Taoism: Shit happens. Confucianism: Confucious

Flower Flub-o-rama

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida

The Bottom Line

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon. All the

Pasta & Pudendum

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders spaghetti.

12 Days of Christmas

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

Blonde & Cruise

A blonde co-ed is looking at a bulletin board and

Viagra Coffee

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

That's A Buncha Bull

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

Three Strings Walk Into a Bar

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

A Drunk Nose

A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The History of Cinco de Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's

Sandwich

A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.

Cheese Sandwich

Bloke walks into a pub with a cheese sandwich

I Nearly Pissed Myself

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

Yo Mama's Like McDonald's

Yo' mama's like McDonald's, over 90 billion served

The Old Lady and The Hookers

There was an old lady walking down the streets

Rules of Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

String Theory

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and

Got Any Grapes?

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The

Running Around Blindly

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

Sh#!

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

Signs That You're A Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

Real Stories of the Non-Technical

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Hospital Food

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

Pay the Price

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me,

Wacky News of the World

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Sexgate Poem

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

Dumb Crooks Roundup

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

Bribe and Groom

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

Jesus and Satan are having a conversation...

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

Bark like a Dogma

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Pillsbury Doughboy Obituary

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Contraceptives '98

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

Paul Revere Ain't No Bill Clinton

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

Wacked-Out Restaurant

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New

Professor of Logic

A guy sees his new neighbor out in his backyard,

The 12 Days of Christmas

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

Titanic - The True Story

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Chemistry Class

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

Titanic

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

Don't Mess with Women....

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He

Cowboy in a Gay Bar

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Aspiring Vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as

Age is Wisdom

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

The Dying Priest

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

Bush Bumper Stickers

01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a

Bad Puns...no really!

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

The Rules For Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

Beer Research

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that

Your Abbreviated Guide to Proper YankeeTalk

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

Bear Facts

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

The Rednecks Kitchen

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

Blonde Cookbook

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

McDonalds

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many

Mayonaise

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact

Bill Maher's New Rules

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

Georgia State Trooper

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

Southern Dialect

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

Signs That Your Are An Internet Geek

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

Thanksgiving

You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving

Application for a Night Out with the Boys

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

Actual Lines from Resumes

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

Best Out of the Office Messages

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

Hilliary Clinton

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and

Murder at The Safeway

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

NCAA Facts

1. What does the average Iowa player get on his SAT's? Drool. 2. What do you get when you put 32

What It Means To Be Poor

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose

The Experiment

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

Best for the Country

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has

Dr. Phil and Obsessions

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You

The Letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

Supplemental Insurance

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

Recent Medical Research Results

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption,

Clinton's in Heaven

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven,

What is your Southern Sign?

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Why Math Is Taught In Schools

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

Job Ads Made Easy

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

The Farmer's Kids

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

Backyard Archaeology

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

The World's Thinnest Books

World's thinnest Books available at a bookstore near you. FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW

The Bell

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

Adult Education

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Female Hormones

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

Letter to a Nosey Mom

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

Computer Women

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!! B... WINDOWS Woman:

Southern Horoscope

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Gay Bar

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

Convert

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

Brain Cramps

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

Customer Service

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

Things That It Took Me Over 30 Years To Learn

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

Getting the most from your I.T. department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

Contraceptive98

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

King Arthur

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

Fast Drinking

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

Sisters of St. Francis

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

You Know You're in California When...

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

Little Gas

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the

Post Office Interview

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The

Letter of Recommendation

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've

The Surgeons

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

The Way It Was

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

Lawyer from New York

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

Three Doctors in Heaven

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

Push Ups

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed

The Pager

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

The Tourist

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

The Vibrator

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

Rookie Police Officer

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

Grandmother's House

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

Role Reversal

A reporter was doing a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted

Sherlock Holmes and the Tent

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

12 Year Old Bottle of Scotch

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

Lawyer in Heaven

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

Pastor and the Housekeeper

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

Smartest Man in the World

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.

The Practical Engineer

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

Unintended Results

A chemistry instructor wanted to teach his ninth grade class about the evils of liquor, so he created

Got Quackers?

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar

Futuristic Motel

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

Beer Test

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their

Kilts

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

Russians

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of

Three Nurses

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

Serving Her

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

The Funeral Procession

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he

The General

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost

Meet her Parents

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father