shirt

- How do you define optimism? - A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday. - What is the diffrence

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

Ah huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair,

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

What''s that over there? Not a bull, but a person

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when

Yo mama shirt so tight, when I shook her hand I

Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far

More beer. More cheese. More sex. Vitamin fortified

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

There was a cowboy riding down a trail on his horse

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

Yo mama's so fat, she wears a REAL horse on her

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign

It was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex

Yo mama's so fat, she wore an X-Files T-shirt and

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shirt?

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a

An old man went to the social security office to

There were these two people in a bar, a boy and

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

Three men were sitting in a bar one day. they were

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

There was this little boy who had no name. One

Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders to use

A Scottish man heads for home after spending the

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his

One day a teacher was teaching a fourth grade class

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch,

A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when

10. That shirt is very becoming on you. Then again

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

Princess Diana and Dolly Parton happened to die

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

Gee, that shirt is very becoming on you. Of course,

Dear Tide, I have always used your product

Did you hear about the lady at Wal-Mart that was

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

An old man from a far off land was once on the

A man was walking down the street when he noticed

    Marol spent her wedding night

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

Big Busted Women -can get a taxi on the worst

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

    For all you guys out there who

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

    Dear Son,    

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking

A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian.

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker.

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

Colin was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright idea. When

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown paper

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red