since

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

In a company there's this tai-chi king. His tai-chi has reached the level where even the boss could do

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

Ah huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair,

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

Mickey and Minnie have been having problems for

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

According to a news report, a certain private school

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call,

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Dear Jennifer, I have an interesting

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

A blind man goes into a whorehouse and asks for

There was a nintey-year-old lady who was still

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

Four people are in an airplane: the president,

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A market researcher called at a house and his knock

One day a government worker was digging through

Every morning a man drives to the dock, and every

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down

One day a preacher goes to visit an elderly lady.

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

A blonde has been working in a broom factory since

An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie

An old man and a young man work together in an

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there

Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

Golfer: Notice any improvement since last year?

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting

Joe was asked at work if he was getting any on

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

A boy comes home one day and runs up to his mom.

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

A penguin was driving his car down the highway

At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

There were 11 blondes and one brunette on a rope

Once there was this man whose car broke down.

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could

There was this couple that had twins and they couldn't

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on

A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Two guys are in mental instituition. One guy

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

There are approximately two billion children (persons

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

There once was a toad who was a bit different than

Once there was man named Jim, who let his dog out

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

A girl wants to borrow the car from her dad, so

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

Dear Tide, I have always used your product

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies

It was a really hot day and this blonde decided

When an attractive young girl returned from her

A man was heading to England and his next-door

Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion,

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

    This is an actual job application

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings

The following letters were taken from an actual

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

    Four old Catholic women are

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

This guy is not getting along so well with his

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

    This is from a contest on Long

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

    The following information was

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for

Dear __________________________,    

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

    Dear Son,    

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A lady went to the bar on a cruise ship, and ordered a Scotch, with two drops of water. The bartender

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod

It Was Already Late Fall And The Indians On A Remote Reservation In South Dakota Asked Their New Chief

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.

Herbert A. Millington Chair - Search Committee 412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University College Hill,

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a

As You May Already Know, It Is A Sin For A Taliban Male To See Any Woman Other Than His Wife Naked

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

Rabbi Bernstein was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Thought you might enjoy this message I received from one of my more politically oriented friends.....

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives

Suddenly there was a mad uncontrolable burst of laughter and the team captain asked John if that was

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake! Caddy: Think you can keep your head down

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it

The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: - Hello! - At what time does the

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The