Jokes
Beers For Geeks
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully
Dentist
Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?Dentist : $90.00.Patient : $90.00 for just a few minutes
Natchitoches
Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing
Never hire a man to do a woman's job
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions
Jackass
This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone
Airbag
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the
Custody
An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed
Who Died the Worst Death?
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed
Three Words
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young
Butler
A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving
Let's Talk
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on
Girl and Dog
A little girl and her dog are walking through the
Gourmet Reporter
A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,
Hamburger Restaurant
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register
Three Kicks
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting
CIA Test
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After
A Moral Dilemma
Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,
Picture Says a Thousand Words
Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor
License to Kill
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all
Don't Choke
Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail
RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES
RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is
Punchlines With Absolutely No Context
ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,
My First Time
My First Time The sky was dark, The moon was high, All
Marriage Requirments
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining
Osama and Bush Have a Dog Fight
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all
Nursing Home Chit Chat
At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior
Bush at the Wheel
Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of
Cow Pat Lip Gloss
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot,
The Crabby Cabbie
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the
Texan Poetry
The finals of the National Poetry Contest last
Comfortable
Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the
Gorilla Chase!
There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd
The Bear Hunter
A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear
Brooms & Carrotsticks
Bob was joining the army and they were handing
The Little Fire Engine
A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding
Hurting My Buttercups
One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.
Rabid Dogs are Useful
One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he
Babe Watch
This guy is standing outside on his balcony on
The Jackass Story
This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally
Three's a Crowd
A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep
Barnyard Poem
The sky was dark The moon was high We were
The Hurt Bird and the Shit
One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,
Ole and the Lefse
Ole was on his death bed. But before he died,
Preparing for Your Mammogram
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,
Dark Suckers
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs
Upholding the Cloth
A priest wanted to convince a prostitute to turn
In the Family Closet
Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny
Sitting at a Bar...
A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after
The Millennium Kid
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital
Baby Hermaphrodite
A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the
Bob and the Asshole
Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden
Blonde in Natchitoches
Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.
Walka Walka
A couple has been together for thirty years and
World's Toughest Cowboy
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out
A Definite Definition
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her
Tomato Family Outing
Once upon a time there was a family of tomatoes
The Deer Hunt
Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00
The Retirement Party
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the
Man, I Feel Like A Woman
I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when
Feeling Like A Woman
In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through
Louisiana Tourist Attraction
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As
A Real Ball Buster
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What
Nickel-Diming Johnny
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to
An Old Fart
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly
The Blonde and The Jaguar
A young blonde stock broker was bored with her
Rating Gals
Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at
Applying for a Job at the CIA
A few months ago, there was
The Talented Parrot
This guy is not getting along so well with his
Be Careful With That Viagra
Q: Did you hear about the man who swallowed his
The Old Lady's Three Wishes
A little old lady was sitting on her front porch
West Virginia Custody Battle
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote
The Stupid Paratrooper
About ten recruits are making their first parachute
Pre-Nuptial Agreements
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining
An Act of Charity
One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory
Add It Up: Relationship Guide
For all you guys out there who
Car Accident
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver
Kids Are So Smart These Days
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
The Duck and the Lawyer
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell
Choking
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine
The Wall
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall
Struck by a Bus
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a
Greenland
A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's
Muscular Man
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the
Tourists
Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,
Alabama Preacher and the KKK
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that
Three Words
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I''ve got a special game for you. I''ll
The Dying Priest
The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's
Biker's Dog
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um,
Being Six Again
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at
The Rednecks Kitchen
Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when
Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly
Final Battle
Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the
Deer Hunting Season
A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A
Anaconda Attacks
This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government
Computer Quotes
"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory
Cookies
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite
Scared Stiff
This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and
The Marine Way
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks
Custody of the Children
A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The
New Computer Viruses
The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The
Defective Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet
Redneck Timbuktu
The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student
Ice Cream Parlor
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up
TGIF
A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him
Redneck Tips
1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting
Pleasure
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort
An Indecent Proposal
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally
Transatlantic Flight
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things
Nookie Green
A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.
Little Head
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,
Savings
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and
Irishman on a Desert Island
One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual
C-141
A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's
Witness
A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after
Television Evangelical Show
randpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers
Farmer John
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an
Sweet Old Couple Sharing
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place
Vegas Cab Driver
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and
Curtain Rod
After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name
Getting Old
At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms
Virus Alert
An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you
100 Year Old
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th
Six Foot
Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean
A Real Ball Buster
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
Relationship Guide
Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:
Assassin Test
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing
Louisiana Law
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into
Speeding Ticket
A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were
Seducing a Barman
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman
Penguin Game
A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have
On a Lonely Island
A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food
The Old Cowhand
The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his
How about nuclear power?
A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and