speak

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.In the second year, the woman speaks

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

A blonde walks into an ice cream shop and asks

While the teacher was conducting her class, Little

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical.

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

1) Compassionativity is not a word. 2) Social

Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

Hearts and roses and kisses galore... What the

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

A Giants fan is in Baltimore for the weekend and

Bush was speaking at a High School, he was asked

A man walks up to the whitehouse and shouts to

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

Why do they call a horse a horse. Because they

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered. "May

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

All good Southerners already know these, but in

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church,

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

1. You live in the center of the universe 2. Your

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents,

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative

There was a boss who was told by his boss that

A Hillbilly family's only son had saved up money

In prison you spend the majority of your time in

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm

These two guys meet after not having seen each

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Two Texans were having the blue plate special at

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

This guy is not getting along so well with his

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

-It is always possible to park directly outside

A frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband.

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They

"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

Run one lap around the office at top speed

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right,"

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting

FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long. One who

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian.

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG. BITES. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL,

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

Female Prayer: Before I lay me down to sleep , I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass. Impotence...Nature's way of saying

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

10. "Clocks are five hours fast" 9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language" 8. "Harry

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK....You spend most of your

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and President Clinton all get caught up in a tornado and finally land

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. "Sorry, he doesn't

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

A guy phones a law office and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm