speed

Bill Gates was going down the road in a car when a cop pulls him over. He says, "Officer, I assure you

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gate, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

Yo mama so nasty, she makes Speed Stick deodorant

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway. He

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

Yo mama smells so nasty, she makes speed stick

What's faster than the speed of light? An Afghani

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

Women got off the Titanic first. Women can scare

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

Yo mama is so ghetto, she does wheelies in her

A cop pulls Jenna Bush over for speeding and he

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors

A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped

Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

What do you call a 70's cookie band? OREO Speedwagon!

Your mama's so stupid she put the operator on

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Your armpits are so smelly they make speedstick

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette,

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

There was once three roughnecks named Crap, Manners

You're so stupid that when police tell you you

10) When people go the speed limit in the fast

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

There are approximately two billion children (persons

It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for

Why is a blonde's top speed 68 mph? Because

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color. 2.

There once was this blonde riding a horse. After

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?

You stink so bad you make Right Guard turn left,

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding.

Your mama's so fat when she walked into the all-you-can-eat

Q. What's the speed limit of sex? A. 68. At 69

Yo mama's so smelly, her Sure deodorant is confused

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an

    What to not say to the nice

    Psychologists have discovered

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    A herd of buffalo can only move

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

Run one lap around the office at top speed

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes,

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter..... "One afternoon

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

1. Put bi-focals on . double check that you're with the right partner. 2. Set alarm on your clock

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police cruiser pulled her over and

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

You might be a Redneck Jedi if..... you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." your

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. Man: Is there a problem Officer? Officer: Sir, you were

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents