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Jokes

Ladies Night Club

The other day, my friends and I went to a "Ladies Night Club."One of the girls wanted to impress the

Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

Last Chicken

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to

Two Twenties

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

Can't Take You Anywhere

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says

Osama and Saddam are walking through a ...

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when

10 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player

1. They always wear protection 2. They

Ding Dong

Yo mama so poor, when you ring her bell, she sticks

Hans Across Iraq

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Monkey Balls

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

Holiday Eating Tips - For The Sane

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List

December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.

Life's Reflections

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no

Live Girls

An Irishman and Englishman and a Scotsman walk

Room 88

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

Pow Wow Ow!

There was this Indian who just came back from a

Goose Hunting

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese.

Turkey Rhythm

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?

Curious Pickup Line

Love's a sensation caused by temptation, a guy

Blonde's Computer Freeze

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

Fishsticks are for Lovahs

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's

Food for the Hungry

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

Genetic Manipulation For Good, Not Evil

What do you get when you cross a centipede with

You So Skinny

You so skinny, you strap popsicle sticks to your

Goathead! Goathead!

Two guys were driving down the road when they

Two Drunks

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

ATM

Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over

Bar... Alligator

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's

The Lady, the Pickle and the Mailman

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles

Three Dicks

Three dicks are talking about what their owners

Limerick: Horny Lil

There was a horny young lady named Lil, Who fucked

Naughty Nuns

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

Which Hair Do You Cut?

A guy sticks his head in the door of a barber shop

Dirty Old Woman

An old man and an old woman are sitting in a nursing

Hungry Monkey

A man and his monkey walk into a bar. The man walks

Twinkie

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

Peanut Butter Rooster

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a

A Hard Riddle

What's hard and hairy and sticks out of a mans

Three Men and a Stripper

Three men went into a stripper bar and this stripper

PC Three Little Pigs

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

Grosser than gross.. underwear

What's grosser than gross? When you throw your

When Can I Get That Haircut?

    A guy sticks his head into a

True Newspaper Clippings

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer AMANA

Girl Power!

A little boy is playing with his new football and

A Redneck Can Tell the Difference...

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between

Wacky News of the World

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Bar... Monkey

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

St Patrick's Day

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

Little Old Lady

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags, one in each hand. There's

Outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddlin around when she hollars out... "Pa you need to fix the outhouse!" Pa

The True Origin of the Internet

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

Kite's Tail

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets

People Over 34 Should Be Dead

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

The Outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out.... "Pa, You need to go out and fix the

Oil

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well,

Clever Pickup Lines

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

53 ways to make a cop mad....

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

Hair Cut

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

Pet Monkey

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

Dumb Barber

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

Hole Diggers

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft

Let the Trucker Sleep

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As