stuff

What a Woman Says:"This place is a mess! C'mon,You and I need to clean up.Your stuff is lying on the

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower -

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

My First Time The sky was dark, The moon was high, All

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce

James was on the beach, and could not understand

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Once there were two farmers. One had a daughter

Gwen met Randy at a nightclub. They hit it off,

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

Pass My Shotgun Psychotic Mood Shift Perpetual

The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted

Remake of "Roots" starring Michael Jackson Performance

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

As a pre-med student at Washington University in

This guy was having a problem with mice in his

A mid 20's bachelor walks into a grocery store

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a

Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white

10. Nobody cares if you act stupid. 9. You can

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

Man who stuffs his own sausage, pounds his own

How do you know if a dummy has been sending e-mail?

Three men were flying in a plane, when they decided

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous

There was a contruction worker who was working

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon,

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his

There was a guy walking down the street in San

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

Do you know what the white stuff in bird poop is?

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.

1. I think the parking meter is running out, I'll

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make

What a woman says: “This place is a mess!

A mortician was working late one night. It was

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

Are you considering having children? To determine

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

    This is from a contest on Long

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

    Stupid people should have to

    One day, a mechanic was working

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Rules for hunting lawyers Washington state attorney season and bag limits -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1300.01

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!! May 22 is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime? A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Q. How many

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you

One year at Christmas my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. My memory's

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them. Having sex in a twin bed is out

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier ...: St. Mom's Wort ~

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist,

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off

Seems this hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?" "What's a license???"

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot:

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and