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Jokes

Bad Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

Punchlines With Absolutely No Context

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

Lost with Translation

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Benifits of Being an Athiest

A very religious man lived right next door to an

Woman Bashing

Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.

Planet of the Apes: Secrets Revealed

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that

Lima

What did the lima bean say before it went into

Capon Fear

Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? Far

Through the Desert On a Man With No Ears

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

Miracle Drug

So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that

Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

Southerner Moves North

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

How to Sell a Bible

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

The Doctor

This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain

Bumper Stickers II

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Three Kinds of...

There are three kinds of rings: the engagement

Old People Get It On

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get

Running Around Blindly

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

Daily Affirmations

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Radical Procedure

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

Sexgate Poem

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

-It is always possible to park directly outside

Doctor's Orders

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's

Thoughts for the Day

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

Heart Advice

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On

A Doctors Lecture

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

Twenty Nine Lines To Make You Smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.

PMS?

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Broken Scrotum

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

Union Worker

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Grief and Suffering

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs

For All You Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Axioms

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

Young Couple

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what

Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Billy Connolly's Chain Letter

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

Top 5 Smart Ass Answers

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Notice to All EMS Personnel

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat

Catholic Heart Attack

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

Sunburned

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

Some Bumper Stickers

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

Signs to Hang in the Office

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your

And God Said...

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

Diet

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house

Cat Quotes

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs

Severe Disease

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

Just Like My Wife

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

Heaven is Full

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

Visit to the Doctor

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the