Jokes
Bad Food
A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The
Words Of Wisdom, Graduates!
FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all
Punchlines With Absolutely No Context
ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,
Lost with Translation
The American Dairy Association was so successful
Benifits of Being an Athiest
A very religious man lived right next door to an
Woman Bashing
Q. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? A.
Planet of the Apes: Secrets Revealed
* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that
Lima
What did the lima bean say before it went into
Capon Fear
Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken? Far
Through the Desert On a Man With No Ears
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But
Miracle Drug
So this lady goes to her doctor and explains that
Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate
10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and
Southerner Moves North
Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The
How to Sell a Bible
Three little boys were looking for a summer job.
The Doctor
This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain
Bumper Stickers II
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Three Kinds of...
There are three kinds of rings: the engagement
Old People Get It On
Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get
Running Around Blindly
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection
Daily Affirmations
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get
Radical Procedure
Joe was moderately successful in his career, but
Sexgate Poem
'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White
Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside
Doctor's Orders
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
Thoughts for the Day
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare
Heart Advice
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On
A Doctors Lecture
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough
Twenty Nine Lines To Make You Smile
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..
Simple Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.
PMS?
TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal
Broken Scrotum
A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone
Union Worker
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and
Grief and Suffering
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs
For All You Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)
1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's
Axioms
Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going
Young Couple
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what
Life
On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at
Billy Connolly's Chain Letter
Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters
Top 5 Smart Ass Answers
Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
Notice to All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from
Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
Catholic Heart Attack
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery
Sunburned
A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his
Some Bumper Stickers
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes
Signs to Hang in the Office
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your
And God Said...
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day
Diet
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The
The Ant and the Grasshopper
CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
Cat Quotes
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs
Severe Disease
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife
Just Like My Wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated
Heaven is Full
God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a
Visit to the Doctor
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the