takes

A plane takes off from the Tbilisi airport in Georgia. A passenger storms the pilot's cabin, waving an

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.He

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight.

Two astronauts, a man and a women, were on a mission to go to Mars and make contact with intelligent

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower -

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.

Yo mama so fat when she takes a shower her feet

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

A blonde and a brunette are in a bar. As they order

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next

A man walks into a bar and orders shots for the

Yo mama so fat it takes two buses and a train to

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

What happens when a lawyer takes viagra? They

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

There once was a lowly snail, who was busily crawling

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

The American Dairy Association was so successful

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"

A salesman''s car breaks down in the pouring rain

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are riding

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

An Irishman and Englishman and a Scotsman walk

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk,

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

A man with an average handicap decides to play

A man strolls into a pharmacy and asks the assistant

This guy goes to the doctors office and tells the

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

If you love something, set it free. If it comes

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the

1. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 2. The

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

Why does it take longer to run from second base

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he

Every morning a man drives to the dock, and every

A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

A missionary has spent years teaching agriculture

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

How many perverts does it take to put in a light

How can you tell if you have a moron computer operator

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub

A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "Piano

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains

You might be a redneck if it takes two twinkies,

Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert. When

One day this little girl's dad came home and she

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

A man is participating in a golf tournament. He

A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

You dad's like cement, it takes him two days to

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

Three guys are in a strip club. One guy walks over

Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch

A guy walks into a bar and he orders a whiskey.

A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

Yo mama is so hairy, Bigfoot takes pictures of

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

There was this little boy who had no name. One

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles

A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit

A little Native American boy asks his chief how

A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every

Bertha was worried about her husband George, so

Two guys are golfing on a course that is right

An insect falls into a mug of beer. English Man:

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his

A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot

Yo mama is so bald that when she takes a shower

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She

A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Always take the time to smell the roses... and

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview.

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

A secretary goes to the company stockroom and requisitions

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

1. You never run out of wheat 2. Those cool Saskatchewan

A drunk guy is telling a bartender how much he

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

Why are there hardly any dental professionals in

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends.

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes

Why does it take longer to build a snowman than

Women claim that computers should be referred to

A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are

There was a father and son who went on a fishing

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole

Jimmy White walks into a bar and orders a beer,

A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes

An Indian walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

A blonde goes into a world wide message center

This guy comes home from work one day to find his

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

What are the top three reasons why it's awful to

Two blondes are walking down the street when one

Three men went into a stripper bar and this stripper

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

Yo mama's pubic hair is so nappy, every time she

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Yo mama is so ugly, your dad only takes her out

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having

One night a man decides to visit his local bar.

On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his

Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

    An Irishman, an Englishman and

She is so blonde that it takes her two hours to

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." The

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A woman went into a pet shop to buy her boyfriend

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

    This is an actual job application

A visiting professor at the University of Montana

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

A women desperately looking for work goes into

    Two Italian virgins get married

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A few months ago, there was

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

    Stupid people should have to

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

A blonde walks into the hairdresser with headphones

    Two explorers are flying over

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Support Cannibalism

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, favorites of lawyers

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

George Bush meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

A man walks into a Doctors office and puts a note on the table in front of the Doctor. The note says:

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.. One from New Jersey,

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking. Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every week you have to buy more. A

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right,"

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one: Two tall trees,

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider.

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde? A: It has a stamp on it. Q: Why do blondes have

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement. Never read the fine print. There

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

A guy is trying to relax at home, but his wife keeps nagging him to mow the lawn. Finally, in between

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9

It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do the 'BBQ' the following

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor... "I can't figure

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried,

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from

A man takes his wife to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that houses all the bulls.

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, Interviews, and testing

*Juan the Smuggler* Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister. "Definitely

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

A bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and feeling dam good

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving,

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem