taking

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Tarzan was walking through the jungle one day and got into a fight with a lion.The lion rips off one

There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn't know about her occupation.One day, the

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

A psychiatrist advised his timid little patient to assert himself. "Don't let your wife bully you. Go

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. ââ,¬Å"Doctor,ââ,¬Â

Men are like toilets, they're either taken, unavaliable,

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of

Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank

Three nuns were taking a walk one day. ''I was

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

One day while taking a walk outside of the White

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says,

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

There was this snail who wanted to be a Formula

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

In a restaurant, a disgusted customer says: Waiter!

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and

A man walks into a whorehouse and hands the madam

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

There was an elderly couple that went to McDonald's.

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country

One day, Mrs. James was taking a shower, when suddenly

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout

A poor man and woman sat down in their living room

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and

A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons

There were three blondes living together. Blonde

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting

Once there was a bear taking a dump in the forest.

This is actually a true story that happened to

A young priest was visting a convent. One day he

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

Why was the washing machine laughing? Because

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

   As you grow older, what lost

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

After several years of serving the church in a

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

Cats' facial expressions. The need for the same

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial

Dear __________________________,    

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. "Heya,

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

An employee who had a terrible history for taking time off phoned in again one Monday morning: "I'm

Rules for hunting lawyers Washington state attorney season and bag limits -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1300.01

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former "loves". I told him that I once

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom", he asked, "are these

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A blonde, brunette, and a red head were all in a race swimming breastroke accross the english

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

A bear is sitting in the middle of a forest taking the biggest shit of his life and feeling dam good

Three prospective church goers attend a meeting with the clergy of a local church and ask to become

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

Two men were working on top of a building. Unfortunately, they were not allowed any breaks by their

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My

On this morning a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The