tells

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy,

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay

A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gate, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots,

A tired traveler pulls into a hotel around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel,

A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt.

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. ââ,¬Å"Iââ,¬â"¢ve

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his

A blonde sat at the bar when the bartender's son

A blonde walks into an ice cream shop and asks

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American,

A little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

A kangaroo walks into a bar. He tells the bartender,

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

Saddam Hussein & his chauffeur were driving down

An Irish man with a crooked back walks into a coffee

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

At a high school an English teacher is busy with

A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see's a sign

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Pamela Anderson and the Queen of England die on

This small Latino man walks into a bar, sits, and

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case

A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them

Once a Sardarji (a caste man in India ) goes to

Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon.

Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of

A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo.

A business man is trying to find a potental wife.

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

There was this Indian who just came back from a

In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they

Three guys are in a doctor's office. One is a drunk,

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

A group of men go up into the mountains to go bear

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

This guy goes to the doctors office and tells the

These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander,

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a

This guy buys a new motorcycle. The salesperson

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor

Sandra and her husband Jim are expecting a baby

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

A woman goes to the local butcher to buy some meat

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender

A couple were driving to a church to get married.

A man walks into a bar next to an extremely hot

It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

Back in the days of cowboys and Indians, toilet

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

Joe walks into a bar. Joe's friend, Al, sits down

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for

After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.

The world is going to end in three days, so God

A real tough guy dies and goes to hell, well he

Three guys go to a hotel. They tell the man behind

Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc

Little Johnny has to write a story about someone

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day

A man is participating in a golf tournament. He

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle

A rich lady gives her butler the night off because

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

One day a Hippie gets onto a bus. He sees a beautiful

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

There was this little boy who had no name. One

This mafia family was in need of a collection

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams

Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich

There's this Amish girl and she tells her mom that

A young boy walks into a whore house dragging a

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving

This old lady went to a doctor's office and told

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to

There was this Indian chief who was straining to

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

Bill and Joe go into a hotel. The hotel has 100

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides

At a high school an English teacher is busy with

A man and and a woman from Alabama don't want any

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the

Three men are at the FBI Building for a job interview.

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

A man is having terrible headaches, he can't stand

A man sees a growth coming out from the center

One day a father and son are flying a kite. The

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks

A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders

Two guys both have 9 a.m. appointments at a vasectomy

A hunter gets up early one morning and tells his

A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8

A masked man walks in to a sperm bank, pulls a

Zeus and Thor are up on Mt. Olympus and Thor is

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

One night, three guys are at a bar talking and

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

Three women were sitting around talking about their

Jimmy White walks into a bar and orders a beer,

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

The doctor tells the blonde, "you're pregnant!"

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his.

John and Sam are two neighbors always in competition.

A man is working at a pharmaceutical store, and

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom

Dan wakes up on Monday morning, staggers into the

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon in Hawaii.

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

A wife comes home and tells her husband, “Dear,

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

A blonde goes into a world wide message center

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

A bald man with a peg leg gets invited to a costume

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

There's a woman that has a big problem when it

A man walks into a bar and sees a man sitting beside

I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have

A married man visits a sex therapist because he

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?" The

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A married man goes to confessional and tells the

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

    A couple go to Mexico City for

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

These two guys meet after not having seen each

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

   As you grow older, what lost

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog,

    A woman walks into her accountant's

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

Jack comes home from school with a great big smile

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

A little boy is playing with his new football and

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

    Four old Catholic women are

    Marol spent her wedding night

A man phones home from the office and tells his

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

    The following information was

    Monica walks into her dry cleaning

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

What's the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78? At 8 - You take her

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best... find a woman with whom he may

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

A little boy was playing with a worm one day at his grandpa's house. Grandpa jokingly tells the young

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

An eighteen-year-old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

A female police officer arrests a guy for drunk driving. While reading him his Miranda Rights, the

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

A New Hampshireman stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

"Diane, I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path

So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel's office: "Smith's mother has just died

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

This hillbilly kid goes into a drugstore and asks the druggist for a box of condoms. The druggist

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

One day a nice young couple were on their way to the Justice of the Peace to get married. They had

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

Four catholic ladies were having coffee...The first catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest.

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends,

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving,

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school

A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female

A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

A young woman brings home her fiancee to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells

so michael jackson is on his private plane...and he's in the back with a bunch of little boys. So