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Jokes

Stupid warnings

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

Simple Math

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:Dear Wife (that's

Memorandum

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

Coffee and Captain

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

Soy Toy

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

New Rules For Employment

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

Taliban Poetic Justice

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?" Well,

Forest Gump

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

Hell Freezes Over

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

Proof That Santa Doesn't Exist - For Nerds!

There are approximately two billion children (persons

Women & Bodily Functions

Women do not snore, burp, sweat or pass gas. Therefore,

Suicide? Or Murder? Or Suicide?

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

Words From Women

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

All-Purpose Excuse Form Letter

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

George Washington & Cherry Tree

There has been a recent discovery among archives

Historical Origin of The "Finger"

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for

New Office Policy

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Older Employees

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

Unethical?

Irish greyhound racing authorities have banned trainers from giving dogs the anti-impotence drug Viagra

Janitor or Millionaire

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

Take Off

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain

The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Company Policy

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington Chair - Search Committee 412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University College Hill,

Aspiring Vet

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as

PMS?

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

Funny Lines

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes

Remember This At Christmas Time

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers

Swearing at Work

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

Flight 293

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

Dear Employee

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

Rules of the South

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Pink Ping Pong Balls

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

Going to War

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

Santa Claus:An Engineers Perspective

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

Pinocchio

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

Crossing the Border

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them

Words for the Wise

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

Sex on the Sabbath

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

Updated Employee Handbook

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

Last Laugh

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the

Cat in Heaven

The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven. St Peter is receptionist at the entrance. - A cat shows up.

Physical Chemistry Midterm

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

Hypnotised Church Goers

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

How to Clean your Mouse

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

A Cat in Heaven

A cat shows up at the Pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter says, "I know you! You were a very nice

In Good Hands?

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride

Child Custody

A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to

Two Spoons

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest

Reasonable Doubt

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there

In Thick Fog

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives