these

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.While

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?""I

A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms.Four worms were placed

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

"It''s awful scary in these woods, mister!" "You''re

Once upon a time there were three little pigs.

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

Little Johnny and his grandfather have gone fishing.

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA? A: Do

A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

Recently, I was at a professional football game

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

Season's Beatings There's gotta be a better way

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

"Ahhh! It's Yoda's little friend you seek!" "Nerrrm.

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

According to a news report, a certain private school

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

Two retired professors were vacationing with their

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize

A Jewish temple is looking for a way to get the

People get really upset when you use the "F" word.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

Possible Courses: ESSENTIALS OF BONG DESIGN: Discover

There were these three guys at a football game

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

A couple had been married for a long time, but

There were these three bees trapped in a hive.

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother

All good Southerners already know these, but in

There were these two fleas in a bar. The first

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

An American cowboy was traveling in England and

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese.

A man is in court for murder and the judge says,

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a

5. Does this look infected to you? 4. Would

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

These three married couples died and when they

These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander,

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

One day, a man went into the doctor because he

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

There was a man named Joe playing baseball on his

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were

There was a guy driving down the road when he ran

I'll get a world record for this. Let me reach

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to

One day some fisherman caught tons of fish called

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

One day a government worker was digging through

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

What did the bra say to the hat? "You go

A redneck farmer one day points at his wife's chest

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was

There were these two people in a bar, a boy and

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

There were these two bums and they were hungry

One day two boys were walking through the woods

There were these two guys working late in a morgue,

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

These two Scottish characters are chatting. One

A southern girl returned home after a summer with

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine

A blonde was walking down the street with shower

After an overnight flight to meet my father at

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

This guy goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor shows

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

In a small town in California there lived two boys,

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House

Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive

There were three guys who where rowing a canoe

One day as President Clinton was getting off the

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

There were these two vampires talking. One says

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

It is Rennaissance Italy and Lothario and his friend

How do you find Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news.

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

A woman walks in to a tattoo parlor and tells the

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed

There was this guy named John that went to heaven.

These three guys got together one day and were

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy

These three guys are out having a relaxing day

There are approximately two billion children (persons

These two friends are about to go to a club. One

These two persons are discussing whether the state

These two boys were talking about their sex lives

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

This is actually a true story that happened to

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

Three lawyers died and went to hell. Satan told

Once there were these two morons sitting on a rock.

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

There's a guy and a lady sitting on the porch.

Man: Doc, you've gotta help me. I'm hearing voices

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

One day this man says to his wife, "Lets take a

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

A university creative writing class was asked to

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

There's a woman that has a big problem when it

What did one shark say to the other? Airline food

A man from another country came to the U.S. and

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and

Q: These days, what do you need to shoot to win

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some

Squawks are problems left behind by airplane pilots

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces

These two guys meet after not having seen each

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

      AT&T fired President John

We all know those cute little computer symbols

A family was having some people to dinner. At

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

A young couple were married and they were having

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

A little boy is playing with his new football and

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

    A few months ago, there was

Are you considering having children? To determine

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

    The curator of a Western art

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

These two eggs had just been married and were on

I did not do it in a car I did not do it

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a

Ã, Ã, Ã,  An Egyptian man is walking through

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A teenage boy and his grandfather

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels

    One morning, while she was making

Two church members were going door to door, and

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

It is near the end of the school year.  The

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

Microsoft's Latest Venture    

An FM station has a competition where they ring

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

Ã, Ã, Ã,  If you receive an e-mail

Our Rights: The following was written by State

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

In 1993, the American Government funded a study

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

Irish greyhound racing authorities have banned trainers from giving dogs the anti-impotence drug Viagra

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

After working most of her life Grandma finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter.

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed,

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22. #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

A dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

This not a widely known fact, mainly because of the little-known popularity of the celebrity involved.

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom", he asked, "are these

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

A company had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Management said, "Someone might steal from

Shortly thereafter Jesse Jackson went to a Sears and started raising all kinds of hell in the appliance

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500 man elite fighting unit called the US REDNECK

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. "Buy a puppy Ma'am?"

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to get his wife's test results. The lab technician says to

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and--because he was a good

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. My memory's

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said

A guy, holding a duck under his arm, walks up to his wife and says: "This is the pig I've been screwing

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist's

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

Little Johnny watched the science teacher start the experiment with the worms. Four worms were

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

Miriam was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her husband Sidney. "Sidney,

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks and cleans from time to time, and

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Three members of a golf club were arguing loudly while the fourth member of their group lay dead in

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time

News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT: You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A little boy and a little girl are playing. The little boy pulls down his shorts and says, "*I* have

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zoo keeper

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour. 'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist. 'Why of course!' 'Good.

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. The lab tech says to him,

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said, "I

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents