thinking

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.While

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

Mr Samy Vellu attends a UN meeting on space exploration by 2008. He is representing the Malaysian Prime

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.As the couple reflected on

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

Two Norwegian men were driving near Mt. Horab, a Norwegian community in Wisconsin, when they noticed

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

A teacher asks her class, ââ,¬Å"If there

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

A man was walking through the forest, when he suddenly

A blonde and a brunette are in a bar. As they order

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking

A blonde decides to join the military thinking

What's grosser than gross? Ten babies in one mail

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck,

A young man was walking through a supermarket to

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

What do President Bush and President Clinton have

An English guy was very ill and his son went to

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Two guys are in a bar. "Hey, I've got an idea

Two guys are sitting next to each other on an airplane. "The

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking

One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids

"Did you hear they are thinking of changing the

A young man gets sent to jail, and gets put into

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

All drivers for Red Ball Express had orders to

A man is looking in the classified ads for a job.

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

After much careful research, it has been discovered

A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for

One day a lady walks into a pet store to buy her

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

(which in our society means over 25) An older

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest

Once there was a farmer. He had two teenage sons.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing

A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

A boy was in school and the teacher asks him, ''Bobby,

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison.

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one

Yo mama is so fat, she wore leather pants to a

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

Yo mama is so bald I can see what she's thinking.

A guy is about to be married, and he's thinking

This blonde gets pulled over by a cop, who walks

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

There were three blondes living together. Blonde

One night, a cabbie was driving through the streets

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

Two guys are in mental instituition. One guy

What's the definition of innocence? A nun working

Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. The gatekeeper

One night a bartender was closing up his bar and

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

A man was heading to England and his next-door

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

After several years of serving the church in a

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

    William and Mildred were married

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

Two boys are playing football in Central Park when

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A husband and wife were sitting around one day drinking a bottle of wine. The husband turns to his

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

An eighty year old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

Shortly thereafter Jesse Jackson went to a Sears and started raising all kinds of hell in the appliance

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. "I

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady

A Boston fan, a Yankees fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train. The train enters

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can