though

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0). Recently

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand,

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore.

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

A man was in a long line at Target. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms,

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying

One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why is some

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A man with a 20-inch penis went to his doctor to complain that he was unable to get any women to have

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Town. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice:

At Night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep, and the husband put his A typical married couple

Ah huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair,

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is sent to a hospital. While on the operating table, she

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him

A boy and a girl in a PAP Kindergarden.The teacher gave the children some homework to do at home, and

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days,

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

1. How many trarlokks does it take to trokkclap

How many stoners does it take to screw in a light

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor

A guy dies and goes to heaven. His tour guide starts

A nun at a Catholic school is asking her students

Yo mama so dumb, she thought TuPac Shakur was a

Two blondes walked in to a bar...Thought they'd

Yo mama is so stupid she put a phone in her butt

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was

Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

A man at a retirement home was walking around with

Your mama's so thin she ate a peanut and thought

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the

It was a hot day in Iowa. Helga hung the wash out

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

One day, a blonde left work early to go home and

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

One day, a blonde was skipping on some train tracks

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

I saw an interview in which an expert on military

A very religious man lived right next door to an

Yo sister so ugly, I thought she was yo mama.

There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly

Yo mama so fat, when she jumped into the ocean

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a quarter back

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Knock, Knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? I know

Knock, knock Whoââ,¬â"¢s there? Sorry,

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A man is sitting in a pub, when a guy with an incredibly

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city.

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

Why did Osama bin Laden cross the road? He thought

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

Tony Blair Interviewed by Peter Jennings Peter

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding See

You're so stupid you thought Puff Daddy was a brand

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Yo mama's so stupid, she thought "Dunkin' Donuts"

A Jewish temple is looking for a way to get the

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old

Yo mama's so stupid, she thought that wu-tang was

President Bush and Dick Cheney are having lunch

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

OBJECTIVE To disengage said bra without looking

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

Yo mama is so stupid, she put on a condom on her

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

There once was this guy who was going on a date

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says,

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought that the the International

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

While he was rooting around in the basement, a

A blonde working in the coffin industry was thinking

The Li'l Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher

Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low? She

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

There once was a young man named Billy Bob. Now,

A drunk is driving through the city and his car

A man left his cat with his brother while he went

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

Two little snakes were hissing near their pit.

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

I heard my tire thumping, I thought it was flat.

A man with a fifty inch penis goes to the doctor

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.

There was a guy driving down the road when he ran

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

"I met my wife at a singles' bar." "Really?" "I

Yo mama is so fat when her beeper went off people

A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into

A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at a neurosugeon's

There were three guys in a car. One driving, the

An old farmer decided it was time to get a new

A little boy came home from school one day and

Yo mama's so stupid she thought asphalt was a rectal

One day a government worker was digging through

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

[NOTE: This joke must be told out loud to someone

A small guy enters an elevator and notices a huge

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

10) Who the hell Begets anymore? 9) Memo to Adam:

A woman was being raped by an escaped mental patient.

The ringmaster of a traveling circus was looking

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

A policeman is walking down the road when he sees

There were these two people in a bar, a boy and

One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same

This Avon lady was out selling her wares. She

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

A blonde has been working in a broom factory since

One day while at the White House, the maid was

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

There were these two bums and they were hungry

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

There was a soldier that enlisted in the army to

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

A guy with two black eyes walks into church one

A guy sees a sign outside a bar that says "Piano

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought menopause was a

Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends

You're so stupid, you thought a quarter-back was

A woman had been married so many times she was

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

A man and his wife were on their honeymoon. The

A redneck teacher decides to give her class a small

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad

Three vampires walked into a bar. The first one

One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says,

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

A man decided to spend the night with a prostitute.

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Once upon a time there were these two bums walking

A guy's driving down a country road when he comes

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for

One time in heaven Saint Peter said to Jesus,

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island,

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an

Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,

Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

One day Bob and Bubba went fishing. They were catching

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican

There was a man who had a 25 inch penis, so he

So this guy walks into a whorehouse and asks the

You so stupid, you thought 401K was your mom's

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?"

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Guy 1: Hey! Why do you smoke cigarettes even though

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

There was a man sunbathing on a beach naked. A

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving

A man asked a blonde what she thought about blonde

Mr. Jones was an old man with Alzheimer's who lived

Yo mama is so fat that when she took a vacation

A man was sitting next to a very attractive woman

A travelling salesman was out in the country one

There was a guy walking down the street in San

Two guys meet in heaven, and are chatting about

Yo' mama so fat, she thought Highway 59 was a Slip

A man was grocery shopping one day when he passed

Two men went hunting. Joe had been hunting all

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one

Buffallo Billy had a ten-foot willy He showed

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

There was a guy walking down the street when he

Yo' mama so country, she thought an elevator was

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a ribbed condom

You're so dumb, if I gave you a penny for your

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they

Did you hear about the guy they found dead with

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate,

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk

Once an abnormal guy went to a doctor. His abnormality

There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

A blonde lady nervously took her typewriter to

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce? Because

There was a successful doctor who had an office

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags

An Amish couple had just been married and had gone

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking.

Did you hear about the blonde who was so stupid

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something

One day, there was a cowboy riding a horse in the

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl

Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use

Yo' mama so dumb she stuck the phone up her ass

A couple was getting ready to go out to celebrate

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

Yo mama's so dumb, she stuck the phone up her ass

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they

When the Lord gave out brains, I thought he said

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

1) So your daughter's a hooker,and it spoiled your

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and

Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

There were three men working at the top of a building.

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a

Yo' mama so slutty she heard Santa say, "ho ho

''Add this up for me. A ton of sawdust, a ton of

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

A man once asked Gandhi what he thought of western

She is so blonde that she thought she needed a

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Two old biddies were talking about their lives

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

20) "That's weird..." 19) "It's

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping.

An old man and woman were married for years, even

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

A visiting professor at the University of Montana

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Two men are on opposite sides of the earth. One

   As you grow older, what lost

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

An old man from a far off land was once on the

The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment.

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

The following letters were taken from an actual

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

A young lady was standing in front of a shoe store

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

    What to not say to the nice

    The curator of a Western art

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

    Psychologists have discovered

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    Stupid people should have to

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

    One day, a mechanic was working

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband).

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

    Every night after dinner, Merle

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

Why was former President Clinton so interested

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

    The following information was

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Dear __________________________,    

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine examination the other day. Just as he reached the

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Then

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates,

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Pal at Big W and standing inline at the check out. A

other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy!

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh,

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

I had checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though, they hated each other. When they had

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

A teacher notices that a little boy at the back of the class is squirming around, scratching his

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave

(We take you now to the Oval Office.) George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi:

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

There was a church down in Southwest Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed

An old man, a boy, and a donkey were on their way to town. The boy was riding the donkey. As they

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

A friend of mine has a big Labrador retriever. While I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man named Shea) to audit a synagogue. The

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man, the doctor asked his patient how he thought

Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him what the hell is wrong with you? So

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice-President

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A

A survey was conducted by asking women of what they thought of their ass. 85% of women said that

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

Pedro was trying to get into the U.S.legally through Immigration. The Officer said "Pedro, you have

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One

10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year.

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so

The power mower was broken and wouldn't run. A lady kept hinting to her husband that he should get

I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented

So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

A man comes up to the cashier and she notices that his fly was open. She looks at him and says, "Your

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,

Thought you might enjoy this message I received from one of my more politically oriented friends.....

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, Rhode Island named Scott

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

Miriam was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her husband Sidney. "Sidney,

A guy walks into a bar. He sits down at the end of the bar, next to another guy, who was the only

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

Description Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an

A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

That's not right... Sum Ting Wong Are you harboring a fugitive?... Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his

Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor. "Doctor I think I

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad,

A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you a Veteran?" The

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative

OK, I'm the only female in a house full of guys. 4 sons and a hubby. Toilet seat is never down...etc. SOOOOoooooooooo

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

An elderly man was headed home in his car one evening, swerving and weaving on the road, when he was

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners

A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Jones and noticed he was crying at the foot

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist. Describing

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks,

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

When the surgeon came to see his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

This farmer had an old rooster and he thought it might be time to get a new young rooster to service

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

It was early one morning when the Pastor heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he found

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says to him "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't

Seems this hillbilly came to town carrying a jug of moonshine in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different

A young punk gets on the cross town bus and sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started

Prince Charles finds an ancient wine bottle in the cellar of Windsor Castle. When he opens it a genie

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

There was a man with a daughter, son, and a wife. The man and his wife were not having very good sex

One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony,

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietician. She walked into his office and

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

A guy went to visit a friend at the hospital. His friend was all busted up and in several casts. After

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents. He was quite nervous about

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no

Morris the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. "I'm ashamed

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny,

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred,

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and