throw

Gordon Brown, George Bush and Saparmurat Niyazov are flying to a world economic summit. Saparmurat looks

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand,

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as

An Asian guy is having his "SNACK" (bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10,

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

The president and Mrs. Bush are in the front row

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when

A blond was taking a shower when the doorbell rang.

Three men are on a plane. The first one throws

Q: What do u do if a blond throws a grenade at

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all

Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce

A Michigan man was having coffee and croissants

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington,

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

Say, "Damn, officer, you must have been going

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

1. My fellow Americans, I have taken much into

The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted

A bar walks into a guy. The bar orders a liver,

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

How do you kill a marine? Throw sand against the

What's grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected

How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease

Britney Spears and Christina Aguliera were building

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

3 men are playing golf at a Country Club: Obi Wan

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks

Two twin brother, virgin midgets decide to get

How can you tell a marine from a sailor on an aircraft

Bring a sock puppet with you to the restaurant.

One day Jesus wanted to test his disciples. So

What does Brooke Gordon do when she gets done shaving

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Why did the man throw the clock out the window?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge

Why did the moron throw the butter out the window?

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

Yo mama is so poor, when she goes to the park,

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof,

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The

An elephant was walking through the jungle one

A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas

Your teeth are so crooked that when you smile,

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

There is a accordion player driving home from a

How does a blonde kill a bird? She throws

Yo' mama's teeth are so crooked that when she smiles

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

A young man goes home from a war to see his mother

One day, a pod of whales was swimming along when

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation.

Why do drunks throw up in the sewer? So homeless

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and

After World War II, an American soldier was going

What is the thing that you keep on looking for

Do you know how to cook toilet paper? Brown

The preacher was very distraught after the death

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many

Yo mama so stank, monkeys throw poop on her to

There was a contruction worker who was working

Four guys are flying to Japan in their own jet.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

A French guy, an American guy and a Cuban guy are

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney

Is that your face or did your neck throw up?

Yo mama so fat that every time she turns around,

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. Walking

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a

A four-year-old boy and his father went to the

Three dicks are talking about what their owners

Two blondes are nailing in roof tiles. One of them

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian,

An insect falls into a mug of beer. English Man:

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets

There were these two vampires talking. One says

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his

Q. What's the similarity between penises and fish? A.

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Q: Two blondes are standing on top of the Empire

A man walks into a pub and sits down at a table.

Why did Bill throw the clock out the window?

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

Q: Why did the blonde throw her clock out the window?

1. Weed 2. Vancouver: 2 million people and

Last 10 Things a Man Would Say: 10. I think Barry

You're so fat that when you go to the zoo, the

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?

Two guys are in mental instituition. One guy

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

Do you know what a wok is? It's something

What happens when you throw a green rock in the

An Indian walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure

Why does the blonde throw breadcrumbs in the toilet

There were three extremely poor men. They were

You don't have to put cream in your coffee to

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

Yo' mama so fat that when she changes hands on

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town

What's grosser than gross? When you throw your

This lady is throwing a party where each guest

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends

How many men does it take to paint a wall? Depends

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

A shipment of Viagra arrived yesterday at Heathrow

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. 

These two guys meet after not having seen each

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow.

    Dick Cheney, President Bush

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim

Two married buddies are out drinking one night

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

    Psychologists have discovered

10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master

    One day a hunter was walking

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking

Run one lap around the office at top speed

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

    For all you guys out there who

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Prior to her trip to Texas, Buffy (a New Yorker) confided to her co-workers she had three goals for

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. "You need to make sure this dog

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep."

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon,

A Canadian is having his breakfast (coffee croissants, bread, butter and jam) when an American man,

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training,

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl,

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

Two Martians land in the middle of the night in a closed gas station. They get out of their space ship.

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's

It's the first of April, and Joe is out of town on business. He returns home to find out that his wife

A gorilla escapes from the zoo and after 3 weeks, the zoo keepers give up looking for him. Some time

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous,

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"