together

An old woman dying in her old mans hand. Old man begs doctor for some help and says: -Please help,

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

One day, siew pau and maggi mee had a big fight. Maggi mee beat siew pau up until it had bruises on its

Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall- I am very sorry about that, I didn't see you I

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach

There were four country churches in a small Texas

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

One morning, a blonde decides to do a jig-saw puzzle

Q: What did the saggy breast say to the other saggy

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control

An Amish woman and her son are walking through

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party.

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

"I believe Men and Fish can coexist together peacfully." "I

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle

A husband and wife were lying in bed together one

The election is over the results are well known The

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

There was a Northern lady and a Southern lady sitting

One day a blonde and a redhead were playing together

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

One day Jesus wanted to test his disciples. So

The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's

Why don't Blondes make good cattle ranchers?

Why did the two knives go to the dance together?

Yo mama so fat that when she rubs her legs together,

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

What do you get when you cross an elephant and

This letter was started by a woman, like yourself,

Two old friends, who hadn't seen each other in

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.

Q: What do The Force and duct tape have in common?

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

As usual, things were not going well at the United

Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A:

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

There were three pregnant women sitting together.

An old man and an old woman were sitting together

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

One guy had three balls, so he went to the doctor.

A fat woman and a skinny woman were sitting together

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

What time is it when 20 dogs and one cat get together?

An old man and a young man work together in an

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

1. Is it any coincidence that your blouse matches

George W. Bush is sitting in the White House kitchen

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

One day, an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says,

A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch

There was this bartender & he was working at the

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

There was once a pair of high school sweethearts.

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at

Two guys are hitting the links at their local golf

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

A boy baby and a girl baby are lying in their crib

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice

A little boy was walking down the hall one day

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

There were three blondes living together. Blonde

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

Three blondes died and are up talking to St. Peter.

Bush and Dick: Put 'em together and you're screwed.

George Bush and Dick Cheney's campaign slogan:

One man says, ''You mean they are still together

These three guys got together one day and were

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

Every day two blonde women would come out of work

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on

There was a chicken and a horse playing together

One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through

What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the

A couple has been together for thirty years and

What did one butt cheek say to the other?“Together

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together

Two brooms were going to get married, before the

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

One day this man says to his wife, "Lets take a

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his

There once was a man from Cass. Whose balls

Two men named Cecil and Scott live together. One

Two couples go away on a two-week holiday together.

Why do girls have two holes so close together?

What does one penny say to the other penny?

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty

One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding.

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest senator

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

A married man goes to confessional and tells the

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the

One day a group of eminent scientists got together

Three engineering students were gathered together

A WOMAN'S GUIDE WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING WHILE

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

   As you grow older, what lost

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and

A young couple were married and they were having

A women desperately looking for work goes into

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

    Two Italian virgins get married

There was this couple who had been married for

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

    Psychologists have discovered

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed

Our Rights: The following was written by State

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

Husband and wife are in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh, that

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A redneck farmer from back in the hills walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store. "Heya,

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room. Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room. Marriage-

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched with horror as her ball headed directly towards

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.

Enclosed is my 2005 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

She married and had 11 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again,

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room. Donald wanted to have

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

Maria, an Italian woman was extrememly religious. When she was married, she refused to use protection because

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice

A little boy and a little girl are playing. The little boy pulls down his shorts and says, "*I* have

Three doctors were driving together to the hospital when they had an accident and all three died.

The heaviest element known to science is Managerium. This element has no protons or electrons,

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer and sits in the back room, drinking

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

A Boston fan, a Yankees fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train. The train enters

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers the door. "Hi, is Tony

A gynecologist who had lost interest in his medical practice decided to change careers and enrolled

A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers. The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise.

Back in the early 80's Chevy Chase was one of the stars on Password. Toward the end of the game this

Three guys go on a skiing holiday together and to save money they rented only one room. After a full

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations.

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls

One Sunday morning, the priest saw little Davey staring up at the large plaque that hung in the church's

A boy takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front

There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. "Why not add some intrigue to

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Tony home?"

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting