train

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)Qn: What animal falls down the

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mee Lookee Yu,

Little Johnny was a young boy, just potty trained. When he went to the bathroom though, he hit everything

Baby Ryan was a nearly Two Year old Boy. He has been to train to inform his mom whenever he want to pee.So

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when they

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf

One day a teacher told her students to draw a train

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

Yo mama so fat it takes two buses and a train to

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

Why did the chicken cross the road? Part of a

One day, a blonde was skipping on some train tracks

Yo mama so fat, it took 1 train 4cars and 7 buses

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were in the field

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

A young mother was having a consultation with a

Years of straining with poopie-ing, we can only

The England team's training session was delayed

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico

Yo' daddy is so fat the only train he can travel

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

A railroad worker was cuting the grass away from

One day the king of a fairly large country was

One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful

A brunette was jumping along railroad tracks, saying,

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

Christmas was just around the corner, and a father

In a recent issue of Meat & Poultry magazine, editors

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York.

Q: Why did the blonde bring a gun to the wedding?

A teacher was teaching a class of five year olds

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

Why don't blondes get coffee breaks at work?

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and

After World War II, an American soldier was going

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

Yo mama sooooooo fat that I had to take a plane,

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

There was an Aggie, Longhorn, and a Red Raider

A Texan is bragging to a New Englander. ââ,¬Å"In

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian,

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one

There was this Indian chief who was straining to

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

If an electric train is heading north, which way

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

A travelling salesman was out in the country one

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my

What happened to Batman and Robin when they got

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with

A young man joined the Army and signed up with

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction,

What do electric trainsets and women's breasts

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

When the Lord gave out brains, I thought he said

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces

She is so blonde that she thought she needed a

Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

An old man from a far off land was once on the

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A few months ago, there was

Are you considering having children? To determine

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing

    What to not say to the nice

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"  We remain

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

A man and a woman who have never met before find

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

Our Rights: The following was written by State

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhat ragged man were sitting. The girl looks

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

Irish greyhound racing authorities have banned trainers from giving dogs the anti-impotence drug Viagra

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics.

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company: Larnrod

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

During the banquet celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

Q: How can you tell if a fax came from a blonde? A: It has a stamp on it. Q: Why do blondes have

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure

Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training,

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

A Boston fan, a Yankees fan, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train. The train enters

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!" His

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks

Tommy is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, Tommy manages to

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: