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Wife's Appointment

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts

The cute things they say to each other

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

Birthday

Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he

Most Wonderful Weekend

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!"

Bad Stomach Complaint

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

Bud

A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes

Vacumm

A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom

New Holidays for a New Year

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

Button Smashers

Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet

A manager walks into his office...

A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde

There is this old couple and they have been ...

There is this old couple and they have been married

A plane is on its way to Houston when a ...

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated ...

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

Types of People You'd Meet in a Bathroom

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

Things I Learned From Movies

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

Reasons for Being French

* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound

The Geography of Men and Women

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows ...

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Saddam's Bumperstickers

"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this

Lost with Translation

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the

Hollywood Lessons

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Confessional Etiquette

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,

Drug Used to Seduce Men

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

Your Mother vs. A Hippo

What's the difference between your mother and a

Squeaky Clean

One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his

25 Fun Pool Activities

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

The Mailbox

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

26 Things the Movies Taught You...

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Ouch!

A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way

The Sexy Negligee

One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is

Not Going To Try This Again

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

Monkey Business

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

Construction Code

A construction worker on the third floor of a building

Blonde Fish Killer

How does a blonde kill a fish? She tries to

Salesman: A New One, Really

A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the

20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

How Operating Systems are like Knights

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

No-So-Dumb Blonde

One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to

Which Hole?

A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all

Sweet Talker

On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea

Fun With Cops

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

American Technology

A group of doctors were at a convention in Switzerland.

Animal Heaven

A cat and a chicken die but end up in the wrong

The Naked Truth

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

50 Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

Obnoxious Pool Fun

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

The Frugal Clerk

A secretary goes to the company stockroom and requisitions

The Salesman's Scoreboard

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling

The Blonde and the Zipper

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

Doctor's Appointment

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

The Princess and the Driver

One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride

Jesus and Moses

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when

Horse Tears

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

Monkey Love

The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island

The Facts of Life

A man walking his son in the park one day came

Three Preachers

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist,

The Doctor

This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain

The Bar Basement

Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,

Under the Influence

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.

Clinton 'n' Buddy

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and

Free Drinks! Free Drinks!

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender

The Witty Truck Driver

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

At His Finger Tips

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge Device

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

Furrier Funnies

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh

I Have an Appointment Tomorrow...

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband

Extra! Extra! Drunk Man Farts in Bed

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around

The Christmas Parrot

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas

A setback in Iraqi-American relations

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad

Chinese Wedding Night

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she

The New Maid

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems

The Vet

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

MIT's Course Evaluations for Fall, 1991

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

Diaries

Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9

Women

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

Sweetness Of Married Life

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

Hot Water

John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife

Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

Genie's Map

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

Bill Maher's New Rules

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Climax

An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that

Definitions

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

Tommy and Math

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

Notice to All EMS Personnel

From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from

The New Priest

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.

Half a Head of Lettuce

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

Halo Statue

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

Going to War

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

The Geography of Women

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

Redneck Tips

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

Creation of Canada

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

Chinese "69"

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

Getting the most from your I.T. department

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

Horseback Blonde

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

A Baseball Story

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

Axis of Evil Wannabes

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

Kid's Birthday Party

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

Fishing Illegally

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Pet Monkey

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs

Snatch Eating Frogs

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

Warning Signs That You Need A New Lawyer

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

The Tongue

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of

Czech Dissident

Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train

Farting Competition

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His

One or Two Hands?

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies

The Lawyer and the Blonde

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

Horse Ride

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.