Jokes
Wife's Appointment
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts
The cute things they say to each other
You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This
Birthday
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he
Most Wonderful Weekend
Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!"
Bad Stomach Complaint
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies
Bud
A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes
Vacumm
A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands preadlegged on the bathroom
New Holidays for a New Year
Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays
Button Smashers
Saddam Hussein and President George W. Bush meet
A manager walks into his office...
A manager walks into his office and sees a blonde
There is this old couple and they have been ...
There is this old couple and they have been married
A plane is on its way to Houston when a ...
A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde
Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated ...
Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next
Types of People You'd Meet in a Bathroom
EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot
Things I Learned From Movies
1. If being chased through town, you can usually
Reasons for Being French
* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound
The Geography of Men and Women
The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of
The Monkey Goes Where the Wind Blows ...
This week, the Bush administration finally released
Saddam's Bumperstickers
"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this
Lost with Translation
The American Dairy Association was so successful
Fish Market
One day there was a blind man walking down the
Hollywood Lessons
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered
Confessional Etiquette
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,
Drug Used to Seduce Men
Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,
Your Mother vs. A Hippo
What's the difference between your mother and a
Squeaky Clean
One night a man rolls over in bed and gives his
25 Fun Pool Activities
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't
The Mailbox
A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided
26 Things the Movies Taught You...
1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City
Ouch!
A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way
The Sexy Negligee
One morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is
Not Going To Try This Again
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even
Monkey Business
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the
Construction Code
A construction worker on the third floor of a building
Blonde Fish Killer
How does a blonde kill a fish? She tries to
Salesman: A New One, Really
A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the
20 Types You Meet in the Men's Room
1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot
How Operating Systems are like Knights
In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled
No-So-Dumb Blonde
One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to
Which Hole?
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all
Sweet Talker
On a plane, a man and his wife are offered tea
Fun With Cops
(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask
American Technology
A group of doctors were at a convention in Switzerland.
Animal Heaven
A cat and a chicken die but end up in the wrong
The Naked Truth
This guy is having an affair with a married woman
50 Things to Do in a Mall
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out
Obnoxious Pool Fun
*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't
The Frugal Clerk
A secretary goes to the company stockroom and requisitions
The Salesman's Scoreboard
A travelling salesman is out in the country selling
The Blonde and the Zipper
A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees
Doctor's Appointment
One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband
The Princess and the Driver
One afternoon, a princess decided to go for a ride
Jesus and Moses
Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when
Horse Tears
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.
Monkey Love
The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island
The Facts of Life
A man walking his son in the park one day came
Three Preachers
There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist,
The Doctor
This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain
The Bar Basement
Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,
Under the Influence
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and has a drink.
Clinton 'n' Buddy
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and
Free Drinks! Free Drinks!
A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender
The Witty Truck Driver
Ã, Ã, Ã, A truck driver was driving along
At His Finger Tips
A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching
Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge Device
BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in
Furrier Funnies
Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh
I Have an Appointment Tomorrow...
One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband
Extra! Extra! Drunk Man Farts in Bed
A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around
The Christmas Parrot
A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas
A setback in Iraqi-American relations
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad
Chinese Wedding Night
A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she
The New Maid
A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems
The Vet
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found
MIT's Course Evaluations for Fall, 1991
The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
Diaries
Entries in a Dog's Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9
Women
Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot
Sweetness Of Married Life
A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't
Hot Water
John works hard and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife
Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly
Genie's Map
A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The
Bill Maher's New Rules
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people
Climax
An older Jewish man married a younger woman. After several months, the young woman complained that
Definitions
Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:
Tommy and Math
Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,
Notice to All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions It has come to our attention from
The New Priest
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
Half a Head of Lettuce
A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant
Halo Statue
A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,
Going to War
Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President
The Geography of Women
Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,
Actual Newspaper Headlines
Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During
Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many
Redneck Tips
1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting
Creation of Canada
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel
Chinese "69"
A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.
Getting the most from your I.T. department
1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,
Horseback Blonde
A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy
A Baseball Story
Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.
Axis of Evil Wannabes
The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002
Kid's Birthday Party
This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,
Fishing Illegally
A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)
Pet Monkey
Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs
Snatch Eating Frogs
This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter
Warning Signs That You Need A New Lawyer
You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you
How to Poop at Work
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly
The Tongue
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of
Czech Dissident
Through the center of Czechoslovakia there's a train speeding along. In one compartment of the train
Farting Competition
A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His
One or Two Hands?
A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies
The Lawyer and the Blonde
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans
Horse Ride
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.