truck

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts."Say, what's your

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

There's a guy sitting inside a bar, just staring at his drink for about a half-hour. Then, this big truck

Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company's

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of

Three co-workers are bored during their lunch break, so they decide to go to the roof of their building

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

A trucker who has been out on the road for two

A firefighter is working on the engine outside

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

Yo mama so dumb she dj's for the ice cream truck

You know you're a redneck if the door mat to you're

Yo mama is soo fat when she wore high heels she

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

A blonde was cooking dinner, when her kitchen caught

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in

Yo mama's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with

Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

Yo momma is so fat that when she wore high-heels,

Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

You might be a redneck if you drive your truck

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

Gary Condit is found dead with a smile on his face.

A Navy man and an Army man are driving opposite

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck,

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who

You might be a redneck if you're late for your

While walking home from work one day, Frank saw

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

One day, a woman comes out with a bunch of trash

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

Did you hear about the guy who drove his Ford Chevy

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!

Q: Why does Ford still manufacture cars and trucks?

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

You know you're a redneck if you do all of your

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

You might be a redneck if you have to take your

A truck driver was driving down the highway when

You might be a redneck if the roof of your truck

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There was once a boy whose father gave him a duck,

What is a truck load of vibrators called? Toys

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains

A man is driving down the road and notices a car

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

A young girl and her boyfriend are driving down

An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

There was once three roughnecks named Crap, Manners

A man named Jed went hunting near the border of

At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up

A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween

It was the day after Thanksgiving and all thru

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman,

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A blonde's house was on fire. She called 911 and

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly

A young boy took his bag of M&M's, grabbed the

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

Yo' mama so fat, she sat in a monster truck turned

A man named George was new in the city and needed

A blonde got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She

What starts with ''F'' and ends with ''UCK?''

One day there were three boys walking down the

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

Once there was a farmer with three sons. One day

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

A guy from Texas and a guy from Arkansas are driving

A blonde was about to commit suicide by jumping

Q: Why is a fire truck red? A: If someone

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

This city guy just bought a 400 acre ranch. He's

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS

Q: What do a Kennworth Semi-Truck and a test-tube

There is this trucker and he is driving down the

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up.

How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football

The following are a sampling of REAL answers

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil

You might be a redneck if you learned to drive

You might be a redneck if the Bluebook value of

In a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

If the government is going to put health warning

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

One day, a bus driver is on his route, when he

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

    A trucker who had driven his

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

    A fireman came from work one

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    Stupid people should have to

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father,

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

Dear __________________________,    

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher

Last name: ________________ First name (check

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my

1. Teaching Math In 1950s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company,

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows

Rules for hunting lawyers Washington state attorney season and bag limits -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1300.01

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

To a person in the US, it is anybody from the South. To somebody in the South, it is anybody in

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L. A. 2. The morning rush hour is from

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question:

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

Davie walks into a bar and sees his friend Norm slumped over the bar. Davie walks over and asks Norm

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

When a woman wears leather clothing: A man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, and

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

A frightened man dialed 911 to report! an assault. "I was coming in the back door," said the man to

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear? MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Kings Disoriented

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

My wife of 14 years is convinced she has Mad Cow disease... ... After all, she had a fast food taco

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

3 contractors are in a bar after work enjoying a cold one, when a truck crashes into the bar killing

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary in London, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner

A blonde named Cindy decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no prior lessons or experience. Cindy

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

Thibodeaux was driving his car past Beaudreaux's house and saw a sign that read: "Boat for Sale".

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

There were two ministers who met each Sunday morning riding to their particular church. They both enjoyed

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.