turned

A husband and wife were having breakfast. The husband was ensconced behind his morning paper."You had

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue.While

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?""I

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

Three guys died and went to heaven. St Paul was there looking down at the three of them, one is a reknowned

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived

A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

Dennis Rodman found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet."I want you to eat regularly for 2 days,

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.The

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on

A blond was driving to the airport when she saw

Q: Did you hear about the magic tractor? A: It

A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were walking

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years. Just

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by

Two nuns from France were coming to New York.

You are so poor that when I put out my cigarette

Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During

The American Dairy Association was so successful

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A blond was driving along a country road, listening

There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on

A farmer just got married and was going home on

A gynecologist tired of his profession, and wanting

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving

A guy was taking a new bus route for the first

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Britney Spears had just bought her new car and

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

Three couples went in to see the minister about

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

There was a blonde at a stoplight and it said “walk.”

A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

One day three men were walking along and came upon

The Li'l Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

George set out on a very windy day to see his friend

Jane was sitting in anatomy class on day when her

There once was a toad that was excluded from all

Three nuns went to a football game and three men

These three married couples died and when they

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

A poodle, a terrier, and a great dane were all

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

An alien walked into a bar and sat down next to

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping

Once there was a sperm named Stanley. When all

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

Yo mama is so dumb that she was on her way to the

There was an old lady and her dog who lived on

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were

There was a brave with no sexual experience. He

Goddamn motherfuckin' son-of-a-bitch, He parked

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing

There was a guy on a golf course that he had never

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

There was a young man from Calcutta Who spent

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

An old farmer and his wife had a bunch of pigs,

There was a man named Benny who loved to take

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon,

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very

There was this man who had a dog. Every Sunday

Mary had a little sheep With this sheep She

A man goes to see the doctor and tells the doc

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Long time ago, in the land of Persia there lived

A southern girl returned home after a summer with

It was the night of prom, and Sally didn't have

A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned

Three men were walking down a street and found

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite

There were three southern belles that were sisters,

St. Peter was standing outside the gates of heaven

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

An old man and a old lady went in the doctor's

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a

A penguin was driving his car down the highway

Nursery Crimes: Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,kissed

A Canadian was in France, out of his wallet he

A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange

One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on

This is a true story about a recent wedding that

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

There was this virgin that was going out on a date

Yo mama's so fat she gets turned on reading a cook

Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

The strident prosecutor begins: ''Ladies and

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

A beautiful middle aged woman finally decided to

There was a man who was drivivng down the road

Yo' mama so fat, she sat in a monster truck turned

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

A man named George was new in the city and needed

What did the woman do when she found out that her

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

One day, a blonde went to go get lessons on how

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

A man walked into work on Monday with two black

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on

There was a successful doctor who had an office

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

A man claimed he could name any animal that was

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

Once upon a time there was a family of tomatoes

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

Yo mama's so fat, first she filled the bathtub,

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

When an attractive young girl returned from her

Your mama's so fat she went on an airplane and

What is the clumsiest insect? The Bumbling Bee.

How are men like computers? They don't work

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

She is so blonde that, when she went to the airport

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

A couple took their young son for his first visit

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

A family was having some people to dinner. At

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and

A cowboy was passing by a ranch and decided to

Two Texans were having the blue plate special at

    A young reporter once covered

    Marol spent her wedding night

A little old lady was sitting on her front porch

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. "Is

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

    Yes, it's hard to believe, but

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

It is near the end of the school year.  The

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

A young female teacher was giving an assignment

Jack tells his doctor how he can no longer sustain

Three couples went in to see the minister to see

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

Little Johnny was in church with him mom for Sunday

Four men, an Engineer, an Accountant, a Chemist

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me,

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down on a bench next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight,

Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few

This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica Lewinsky turned 31. Can you believe it? It seems

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

It was March 6, 1836. On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and rose from his bunk on the main

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. Coincidentally,

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack. "Please

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies,

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther,

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. "Mr.

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was,

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend,

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um,

Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron,

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

At a college with a shady reputation, the new dean responded to investigations into the basketball

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Bubba decided it was time to purchase a new saw to help clear his heavily timbered property. A salesman

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders

A guy went to his travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise for himself and his lady friend.

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies,

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The

A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles. While checking the

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle

Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree. After

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says,

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through

The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to the nearest bar and

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

If you had bought $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behaviour that was going on. He decided to send

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

An American tourist in London found himself needing to go to the bathroom something terrible. After

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A reporter was doing a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted

Top brass from the Army, Navy and Marine Corps were arguing about who had the bravest troops. They

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

Three blondes died and are at the gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates

At the Urinal, An accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during on particularly

A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records.

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren't quite what they used to be. They

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the

A man received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0.00. He ignored it and

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes,

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they came to the corral, he explained,

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist,

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred,

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained,

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

A guy was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on an airplane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and