twice

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

A 93 year old man sitting on the street, crying. A woman asks him, what’s wrong? The old man

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

A judge was interviewing a women regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your

There were four country churches in a small Texas

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,

Q: Why is 88 better than 69? A: Because you get

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't

What did Ike say to Tina when she came in late

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

A farmer just got married and was going home on

1) Compassionativity is not a word. 2) Social

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What

It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people

What goes into 15 twice? Paula Poundstone's strap

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"

Advantages 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone

Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a

Once upon a workday dreary, my stomach grumbled

One day, a man was golfing when he hit his ball

How do you make a woman yell twice? Hump her butt

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat

One day in the city a bus driver was making his

A brunette is walking through the country, when

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven,

Q: What happened when a blonde missed the Q44 bus?

On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers

A married couple was walking down the street when

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter

Your mama is so fat, after she and your daddy got

Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose.

A woman walks into a gynecologist's office for

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his

You are stuck in a foxhole with a cobra, Saddam

A college psychology class was studing human reaction

Why do women like hunters? 1) Because they always

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus,

Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice and got

The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes." The

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates

Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up

    Stupid people should have to

Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

You know your grandparents are doing it when... 10.

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them

    Dear Son,    

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes,

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden,

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this computer virus. It

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed,

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling

A very disheveled, unattractive, profoundly obese, smelly, mean acting, nasty in EVERY sense of the

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"? The

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river. Needing to

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for

10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor. 9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about

A young Catholic man goes to confession and says, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.

- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup. - You design your Halloween costume to

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

A good Irishman, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

A tourist from Bulgaria visited the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversations.

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices

A woman's husband was cheating on her. The woman and her husband got a divorce and the woman went on

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the