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DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

A woman goes to the doctor's office and says to him. "Doctor, I've got a strange problem I need your

There was this construction worker on the 3rd floor of this unfinished building. He needed a hand saw,

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.He

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight.

Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10,

A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.After the wedding, he laid down the following

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

The bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cahier after learning the combination to the safe and had

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

A man is out drinking with his buddies one night and suddenly realizes he has stayed out too late and

TO: All employeesFROM: The bossDATE: August 3, 2000RE: Foul LanguageIt has been brought to management's

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass

There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he

A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed,

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase

A guy was talking with his friend in a bar and told him, "My sex life sucks, just when things start to

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

A psychiatrist advised his timid little patient to assert himself. "Don't let your wife bully you. Go

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

One day Little Sally got her "monthly bleeding"

10. Wanna come play on my slip and slide? 9.

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

A blonde is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. ââ,¬Å"Iââ,¬â"¢ve

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for

Q: What's dumber than a brunette trying to build

A tribal leader finds that his wife has had a white

A Mexican walks into a bakery and asks, "Excuse

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control

Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

ââ,¬Å"No, no, no!ââ,¬Â said the penguin,

Cindy Lou Edleman Performs Quality Sexual Favors

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her

Understanding Marketing You see a fabulous girl/guy

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St.

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So

There is this old couple and they have been married

There was this guy who was sick,so he went to the

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

A Vicar and his friend, Colin were playing golf.

What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

James was on the beach, and could not understand

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

I saw an interview in which an expert on military

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Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

What do you call an annorexic with a yeast infection? A

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

Gwen met Randy at a nightclub. They hit it off,

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Not to cuss. Not to cohabitate. Not to use that

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

1. ââ,¬Å"If my heart were a baked potato,

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?" Well,

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

1. Blast the Phantom of the Opera at midnight and

Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble

A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when

* Silicon-enhanced chests and lips reveal that

Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions,

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at

President George W. Bush is hit by a strong case

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2.

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

People get really upset when you use the "F" word.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

SEX CONTRACT I, _______________________, hereby

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ''Doctor,

1. Two World Wars and one World Cup 2. Proper

How do you break a blonde's nose? Place a dildo

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top

A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage

There once was this guy who was going on a date

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

The preacher stood before the congregation. ''Brothers

Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get

A young man is wandering around the zoo looking

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided

Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One

A wealthy business man and his wife are looking

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

1. The Female always makes THE RULES. 2. THE

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says,

You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor

This letter was started by a woman, like yourself,

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

This guy goes to the doctors office and tells the

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A young hillbilly always went out to the barn to

Christmas was just around the corner, and a father

What do blondes do for foreplay ? Remove

A small north Florida wild animal park had acquired

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to

Love's a sensation caused by temptation, a guy

There was an older man who'd married a younger

Why are lawyers buried 10 feet underground?

What do you call a blonde under a dead deer? All

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

There were three nuns talking and one nun said,

5. "Sure we could have these people killed to

You know about the 39 Heaven's Gate culters who

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Irishman were

A group of students had a biology lab. As a part

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

Little Tommy went into his parent's bedroom one

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when

Three fans are walking to Fenway Park for the Red

How can you tell the difference between Beer Nuts

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

In order to assure the highest levels of quality

An older single woman was shopping at the grocery

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

There was a husband and a wife. The husband was

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour

This guy buys an old bottle at a yardsale. Upon

There were three dogs at a vet's office. The

A wife decides that she needs to spice up her and

The European Union commissioners have announced

A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The

10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9.

A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first

What's an Australian kiss? It's a French

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

How can you tell if you have an underbite? You're

Dear Santa: You must be surprised that I am writing

Q: What did one undertaker say to the other?

Why are blonde jokes so short? So the guys telling

A reverend was walking in a big city park, when

Two guys always catch the train to work together;

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Yo' mama so wrinkly, she has to screw on her underwear!

A young woman experienced car trouble late one

One night a man walked into a bar with a brown

Q: How many nurses does it take to change a light

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

(which in our society means over 25) An older

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying

After an overnight flight to meet my father at

One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife

Q: Why did Santa get arrested? A: He got caught

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

An old man and a old lady went in the doctor's

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on

A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House

1. The poorest, stupidest, drunkest province in

How do you tell a blonde isn't wearing underwear?

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work.

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

One day as President Clinton was getting off the

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent,

What do you call a West Virginian which a sheep

What did one undertaker say to the other? Pass

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

There were these two vampires talking. One says

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about

10) This doesn't look anything like you... 9)

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other

This old guy goes into a church in a small town

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very

A man had an idea that could make him rich. After

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced

Three nuns used to go to the church from their

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving

Three little boys were sitting around talking about

One day a father and son are flying a kite. The

A typical macho man married typical good-looking

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

A travelling salesman was out in the country one

There was a guy walking down the street in San

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went

A lady went to a plastic surgeon to see what he

Women claim that computers should be referred to

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and

Yo mama's underwear is so funky, roaches check

One night, three guys are at a bar talking and

A young boy walks in on his mother in the bathtub.

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are

Why don't men trust or understand women? Who

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie

These three guys got together one day and were

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting

There are approximately two billion children (persons

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of

One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through

Mr. Maxwell, the Founder/President of Maxwell House

What's another name for undercover cops? Pigs-in-a-blanket.

What do you call a prostitute with her hands under

What do you call a redneck with a pig under one

Two guys were working for the city. One would

This newlywed couple is in bed and the man rolls

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.

Whats the difference between deernuts and beernuts?

Q: What does the Pillsbury Doughboy have underneath

One time at a local golf course three shitty players

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday

One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage

A man walks in his room after work and is suprised

Transcript of the actual radio conversation of

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman

There was a boss who was told by his boss that

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach.

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

One day, Monica Lewinsky found a lamp. She rubbed

Did you get any under the tree? I think your

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig

Bloke walks into a pub with a cheese sandwich

Two blondes are driving down the freeway chugging

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

One day a new vacuum salesman is going door-to-door

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

Yo Mama's so dumb, she went to a movie that said

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

10) Pretend you don't speak English. 9) Say

Jon and Dan were in a mental institution. This

Q: Why do hippos have sex underwater? A: Because

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

One day little Bill was playing in the sand out

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

What's grosser than gross? When you throw your

A married man visits a sex therapist because he

A man and his wife went to the doctor's office

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Q: What happened when the blonde went to the movie

You might be a redneck if last year you hid Easter

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

A couple took their young son for his first visit

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A truck driver was driving along

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess: I have

An old man and woman were married for years, even

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

      AT&T fired President John

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware,

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

A women desperately looking for work goes into

    Two Italian virgins get married

    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer

This is from an actual trial in the UK.    

Two cowboys are leanin' up against the rail at

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

The following letters were taken from an actual

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

    One day, a man named Tony died.  

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

This guy is not getting along so well with his

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife

In Scotland, the most important time for a young

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining

13> "None for me, thanks.  That

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload

    One day, a mechanic was working

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from

A young Bulgarian peasant girl of fourteen went

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

    A sixty-four-year-old man is

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor

From an article in the Wall Street Journal, about

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

    13> Driving your fellow Congressman

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and

September 15     

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at

    Dear Son,    

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes,

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she

Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he

The George W Bush Presidential Lie-berry is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

1. Teaching Math In 1950s A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A couple got married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

A truck driver was driving along the freeway saw a sign that read, 'Low Bridge overhead' but, before

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that

Michael was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him; the other

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg, a

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas,

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal

Last Tuesday, as President Bush got off the Helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying

01/20/09 - End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway If You Want a

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk that she needs to buy a Barbie

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

A cop pulls over a blonde because her car is weaving all over the road. When he bends down he can smell

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. "You must swear to

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was

During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time. The midget went to

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, and

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.On their wedding night, she told

DINING OUT 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb? 1. One to deny

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting

Rejected Titles Before Settling on BrokeBack Mountain: HIGH NOONER JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON TRUE,

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had

Take Care of the Big Rocks First A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked,

Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian.

Personal Ads That Were Probably NEVER Answered SWM: Roommate needed for six bedroom north side condo. $800/month

Dear Employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Hello, my name is William and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

David Letterman's Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers: (I bet his life will be miserable

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards,

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In

A young doctor had moved out to a small rural community to replace the retiring country doctor. The

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

As we age, our priorities change .. The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get

1.) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2.) If

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi,

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When... 1. You notice your tie sticking out of your

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven,

A guy took his blonde girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A man comes up to the cashier and she notices that his fly was open. She looks at him and says, "Your

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

A guy, holding a duck under his arm, walks up to his wife and says: "This is the pig I've been screwing

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) - Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

1. Put bi-focals on . double check that you're with the right partner. 2. Set alarm on your clock

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin,

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.

Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well,

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 2.

A white-haired old man walked into a jewelry store on a Friday, with a beautiful young lady at his

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

10. "Clocks are five hours fast" 9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language" 8. "Harry

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room. Donald wanted to have

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either.

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. "What

(Internal Revenue Service, an agency of the government to whom Americans pay taxes on their salary.) --Always

One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another

A Lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day,

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle... From

Two blondes were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says,

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand and one under his left

A few years ago, the Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

Jason wanted to get his blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, but also something

A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West.

Three men - an American, a Japanese and an Irishman - were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there

"Diane, I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and

A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "I would rather have a

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for

The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, "I've got

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence.

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter

A travelling salesman of agricultural machinery was on a three week tour through the hinterlands of

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist,

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses

One day long ago, a man and woman got married. The man told the woman that there would always be a

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

During an Army war game a commanding officer''s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on

An old married couple was sitting in their rocking chairs enjoying a beautiful sunset when the old

A man is in a bar and he gets really drunk and he goes home. He comes back the next day to get his

An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen, was listening to her son play with his

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

TO: Boss FROM: Blondie RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K I hope that I haven't misunderstood your

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

Fay Chester was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over

A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning. "I

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting