until

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer "Ok." Tech Support: "Did

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy,

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10,

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

One day, siew pau and maggi mee had a big fight. Maggi mee beat siew pau up until it had bruises on its

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But officer."

The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well,

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

John was talking to his fiancée, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"To

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush

A Greek and an Italian were drinking coffee one

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived

A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

How many Irish does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two.

A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

A bank robber was running from the law. The police

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

This week, the Bush administration finally released

A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the

A drunken man walks into a pub. Curious about the

The American Dairy Association was so successful

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes,

What does a old posty bike and a fat girl have

Recently, I was at a professional football game

Buy me a beer if you want the story told Of why

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered

Three couples went to see a minister to find out

Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job.

A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

Three couples went in to see the minister about

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

"Honey, let's have sex," says the husband. "Wait

A honeymoon couple are lying in bed when the husband

How many Frat boys does it take to change a lightbulb?

There once was this group of strange beings called

A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

There once was this guy who was going on a date

There was an old professor who started every class

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

Once upon a time, there was a king who thought

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people

Banana Love Cake Ingredients: 2 whole nuts 1

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Robert Frost and a redneck came to heaven's gate

Why don't little girls fart? Because they

Police arrested Joe Bloggs, a 27-year old white

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

A man is away on business, at a convention for

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a

Bubba was Alabama's star lineman. He was great

Never say anything about a man until you have walked

Q: What's the difference between Gary Glitter and

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to

There was a woman and her husband. They were happily

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

A very old couple wanted to have children, so

There was this lion who had just eaten a bull,and

There was this guy who always went out drinking

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock

An old man went to the social security office to

One day, a pod of whales was swimming along when

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common?

George of the Jungle lived all alone in the jungle

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans.

One night a man walked into a bar with a brown

Woman: I have a problem. Doctor: Well, are you

One day this little girl's dad came home and she

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

A redneck teacher decides to give her class a small

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram,

Three couples want to join a church, but the pastor

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. Walking

A married couple was walking down the street when

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked

Yo' mama so dumb, she waited at a STOP sign until

When women see a ''caution'' sign, they carefully

One day this Preacher decided that he would skip

Three dicks are talking about what their owners

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to

There once was a woman who had a boyfriend that

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

10.) ''We have a lost child at gate D-4, the bidding

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly

How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue

Yo mama's so fat that she went into 7-11 and didn't

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade.

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

* The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, ''What's

Little Johnny was in the kitchen playing with his

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on

A man and woman had a son but when he was born

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right

There were two blondes as roommates and they both

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

You've brought religion into my life; until I met

A married couple went to the hospital to have their

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit

Read this out loud until you get it...

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take

Every day two blonde women would come out of work

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer

These two persons are discussing whether the state

Ask for a seat for your imaginary friend Bobo.

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.

One day, three flies were sitting in a garbage

An Amish couple had just been married and had gone

A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his

A young fellow walks into a bar. An old crotchety

I know I haven't known you for a very long time,

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married

A man walking his son in the park one day came

So this guy walks into a bar and says, "Gve me

There was a guy in a bar and he asked the bartender

* If the enemy is in range, so are you Incoming

A blonde named Anna had a near death experience.

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

1) Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

One day two girls were trying out for the school

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.

How are blondes and computers similar? You never

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he

How are men like computers? They don't work

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN: CAN'T WE JUST

If the government is going to put health warning

      AT&T fired President John

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

A young couple were married and they were having

A big shot businessman had to spend a couple of

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

Are you considering having children? To determine

1) Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2)

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

    Marol spent her wedding night

One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a

I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

    Stupid people should have to

-It is always possible to park directly outside

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

"Men are like fine wine.  They all start

People are always on the lookout for a new diet.

Three couples went in to see the minister to see

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity. "I just can't put it down." I am

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body part increases to ten

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year-old white male resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other, "How are things going?" "Really bad," said the second

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The teams performance soars. They

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

An Englishman A Scotsman and an Irishman are all setting in a bar in New York discussing about how

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A cowboy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. But decides, what the heck,"

Three women were sitting around talking about their sex lives. The first said, "I think my husband's

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night. Whispering firmly, the priest

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite. As they were undressing for bed,

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't

During a January revival an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed. One man's request

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache,

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. He

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

The Washington Post asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,

here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: 1 October 2005 RE: Christmas

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C. Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson,

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

1. No cars up on blocks for longer than three weeks. 2. No changing your oil in the street. 3.

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

If Recipes were like tax forms.... * Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not

A big shot executive had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses

Born 1903-Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ****************************** In

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back,

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, "Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged,

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

A man is walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says.

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers. Customer:

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck,

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. If

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

Police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,

This is why God invented menopause....... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell

My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years and in the back forty it had a nice pond,

According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the US Department

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who

One day, Mom was cleaning junior's room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This

Gary and Martin were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours

A DOCTOR at an asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer!"

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it. "I

Four older men stand on the first tee. Just as Ralph is about to hit his tee shot, a funeral procession

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

A little johnny comes down for breakfast, since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

A man and his wife were doing yard work. The husband said to his wife, "Gee, honey, your butt is

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Well, try

One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,