vision

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested, "I am looking for a spouse.

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

A blonde walks into Best Buy looking for a television.

A redneck taped toilet paper to his television. He

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses,

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

6. Both are made out of plastic. 5. Both are full

OBJECTIVE To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy

A man comes home from work and sits in his recliner

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

One day, a man walked into an appliance store. "Do

10. You're so tired you now answer the phone,

10) ''They told me at the blood bank this might

A blonde walks into an appliance store, and asks

1. You are sandwiched between French assholes and

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

Q: Why did the blonde sell her television?

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave.

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

He's teaching her arithmetic, he said it was his

The guy who invented the vibrator had a vision,

You might be a redneck if you think subdivision

    There is a man who has three girlfriends,

    One day many years ago, a fisherman's

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

Some pretty 'useful' phrases you, too, can use

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

Q: What is the dirtiest thing ever said on television?

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

-It is always possible to park directly outside

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, favorites of lawyers

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense

Three salesmen were bragging who is the best. The first said, that he is so good he sold a color

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator) The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J.SIMPSON "Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That''s for Daddys,

Useful phrases when dealing with the general population. Try to incorporate these into your conversations

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When

I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counselor. "Has she started to

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are. We challenge any so-called

A man walked into a bar near Lexington, KY and ordered a beer just as former President Clinton appeared

randpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

SUNDAY: 0800 - My 33 Sons 0830 - Osama Knows Best 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed 0930 - Let's

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant.

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "I would rather have a

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one

Two men were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of