voice

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the

A telephone rang, and someone picked it up.A voice from the other side said, "Is your number 444 444

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses,

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

This is really embarrassing for the mother, do read on.This is a Singapore story (supposedly)... Hilarious!

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't

An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir,"

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

Gaye Males - Real Estate Agent Rodger Bumpass

This guy breaks into a house, and starts stealin

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

A man has six children and is very proud of his

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods,

A very religious man lived right next door to an

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello.

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

The election is over the results are well known The

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous.

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there

A private was serving duties at his barracks in

There was this guy who lived in Chicago. He was

A man is in court for murder and the judge says,

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter

An old woman goes in to a sex shop, shaking. "Sir,"

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting

Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state

John, who was in financial difficulty, walked into

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

Two gay men are walking down the street trying

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway.

"Doctor! My wife has lost her voice. What can I

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A man died and went to straight down to hell. The

A blonde owned a small business that she was about

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

Ole was on his death bed. But before he died,

A plane was once flying over an island when the

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

A man was out of town on business. While sitting

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with

There were these two vampires talking. One says

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

Abe and Sara are in their 80's. One day Abe comes

One night a robber broke into a home and heard

A drunk guy in Alaska decides to go ice fishing.

A football player walked into a motel on a rainy

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

The privacy partition in the confessional booth

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative

One day, Moishe went to the doctor and the doctor

Man: Doc, you've gotta help me. I'm hearing voices

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

There was a doctor that had been having sex with

What do you call a dog that hears voices? A

A man was heading to England and his next-door

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to

A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he

The guy who invented the vibrator had a vision,

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After

During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport,

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

After several years of serving the church in a

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and

Senator Hillary Clinton snuck off to visit a fortuneteller

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

Run one lap around the office at top speed

A man goes to visit a fortune teller. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?' I'm

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective

During a recent outing in New Orleans, a woman sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

your breasts must think i'm good lookin cause they keep lookin at me. Hey baby, you keep running

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was

Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to

A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college.

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back,

Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a

While the barber is lathering the man up for his shave, the man expresses to the barber how he has

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

John and his wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked

PARIS HILTON CALLS FOR END TO SWIFT BOAT FLAP Says It's drawing Attention Away From Her Hotel

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious...

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter,

A customer service award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being so clever

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Bob dies and goes to the pearly gates where he waits in line. As he draws closer he sees there are

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years and in the back forty it had a nice pond,

A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big,

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head.

I had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative

A nurse of an old folks home walked into the room of Mr. Jones and noticed he was crying at the foot

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard,

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

A fellow was walking through a cemetery one dark and stormy night. As he got well into the cemetery,

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining

A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and

A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. "Sorry, he doesn't

A guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting