waiting

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:Dear Wife (that's

A Man is carrying two babies, one in each arm. While waiting for a trainAlong come this woman and seeing

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

Two Indians and a West Virginia Hillbilly were walking in the woods. All of a sudden, one of the Indians

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

A man is having problems with his dick, which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who,

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A little girl and her dog are walking through the

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the post

A man dies and goes to Heaven. When he arrives

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

A plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde

Two nuns from France were coming to New York.

A bunch of Saddam Hussein's body doubles were waiting

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of

There were two bums walkin down a road. They both

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination.

A young mother was having a consultation with a

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

Why did George W. Bush cross the road? To plunge

Nurse: Doctor, Doctor, there's an invisible man

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller,

On her way to Grandma's house, Little Red Riding

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

1. Always looks like he's pledging allegiance.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

Two guys are at the doctor's office, each has got

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical

A girl was going on her first date and her grandmother

A woman and her husband go to the doctor because

Two aliens land their plasmic cosmo craft in Jack

Two guys are committing a robbery. One of them

These three married couples died and when they

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

There is a accordion player driving home from a

One night, a father passed by his son's room and

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

There was a long line of souls before the gate

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic?

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church,

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

A man walks into a bar and sits down right across

A woman had been married so many times she was

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat

This guy is having an affair with a married woman

There was a cop on his horse waiting to cross the

Has anyone ever said to you, ''Do you know Jack

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security.

On the night of the prom, a boy's girlfriend is

Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop a beautiful

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. When a

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on

Children were called upon in a classroom to make

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

The privacy partition in the confessional booth

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's

A math teacher and his wife were both 54 years

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

Question: What is the irritating part about a blonde's

There was an old lady walking down the streets

A minister has just died and is standing in line

A boy lying on a naked girl waiting for an earthquake.

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne

About ten recruits are making their first parachute

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic." Some have just come to light due to

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it,

I believe in having sex on the first date. At my age, there may not be a second date. Senior Campbell's

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capital building. Unfortunately,

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, "surely I Can't Look

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

A woman sat in the waiting room when her octogenarian husband was in the examination room for his

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact

We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble.

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death they are close to just

Sitting on the edge of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car driving

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who

Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your

A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth. The redhead turns

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of his malady. The doctor, After

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop, and you see

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring. "Get

I had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

A lady was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when she happened to notice a weight machine.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known

Two golfers were waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman ran across the fairway and into

Did you hear what happened?" Jim asked when he saw me walking down the hallway at work. "Hear

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on

God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full. However, we have a

A guy goes to the pharmacist and says, "Listen, these two girls are coming over this weekend, and they

During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do,

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone