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Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and

Question : Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms. America : Well, I can

Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10,

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A married couple was watching the show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Atthe end of the show, the

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk,

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where

One day a man walks into a tatoo parlor and tells

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

A man has six children and is very proud of his

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So

An infamous killer is on death row. He is allowed

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

10. Splash on a little goat's blood. 9. Play romantic

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and

There was a couple who did not want their children

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1.

A woman and a man got into a really bad car accident.

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before

Knock knock Who's there? Katmandu Katmandu

It's finally come out why George W. is pushing

One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie

A nun was walking down the corridor when suddenly

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but

On a rainy night, three guys were driving through

1. The Female always makes THE RULES. 2. THE

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

One day this guy goes in to the doctor's office

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

There's this midget with a speech impediment who

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.

Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant

A missionary has spent years teaching agriculture

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room

After a visit to the doctor, a man returns home

What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and

What does a skeleton say when he wants to eat?

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run

Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub

A regular guy and Tyra Banks are the only survivors

One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says,

A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

A man wants to join the Big Dick Club, and heads

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk

Yo mama's so dirty, the U.S. Army wants to use

There was a couple who did not want their children

Knock knock Who's there? Katmandu Katmandu

A boy from France comes to America. He wants to

1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven and Your Buns

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at

A hunter gets up early one morning and tells his

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit

A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch,

This hous wife got tired of being alone everyday

A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes

A ship captain always asks for his red shirt when

John and Sam are two neighbors always in competition.

What do you get when you mix a rooster with a

A preacher's wife was contemplating what she

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He

Yo Mama's like the Pilsbury Doughboy. Everybody

A girl wants to borrow the car from her dad, so

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

What does OJ have that every man wants? A Heisman

What is a tiger? A 500 lb. pussy that wants

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

A male whale and his mate were swimming around

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's

This guy is not getting along so well with his

What's the definition of "wicker box"?

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping

A judge was punishing three men because they had

    For all you guys out there who

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test.

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she

Find out what those dating terms really mean ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

Do you know someone like this? A guy walks into the local welfare office for his monthly check.

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old.

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. ---

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.'

Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG

A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" had reached the final plateau. If she answered the

Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Internet Porn 1. During foreplay, he's always double-clicking

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... Officer:

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired

10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again are thunder and lightning. Commandment

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. My memory's

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 2.

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition,

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer.

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Cinnamon THINGS

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind

SUNDAY: 0800 - My 33 Sons 0830 - Osama Knows Best 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed 0930 - Let's

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt "Do not meddle in the affairs

1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4.

two Old Ladies Were Outside Their Nursing Home, Having A Smoke, When It Started To Rain. One Of The

A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" ---- Hannibal Lecter "I would rather have a

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. WHAT

A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighbourhood looking for odd jobs to

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and

ATTRACTION - the act of associating horniness with a particular person. LOVE AT 1st SIGHT - what

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many

A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and

Morris the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. "I'm ashamed

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early

A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished but

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The