watching

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor.The witch doctor throws

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching

A married couple was watching the show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Atthe end of the show, the

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

After gaining a small family inheritance, a redneck family was visiting a mall. The father and son were

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant.

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

The Secretary of Defense is briefing President

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching

Q: What do you call 40 guys watching the Super

A blonde and a brunette are in a bar. As they order

There is this old couple and they have been married

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

The American Dairy Association was so successful

A husband is at home watching a football game when

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are

Oil Change instructions for Women: Pull up to

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with

George Bush and his accomplice Dick Cheney were

Two retired professors were vacationing with their

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise

--That comment about Elton being "twice the woman"

1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

What's 72? 69 with 3 people watching!

One day a man walked in a bar with a box. He sat

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's

What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax

After working out in the gym, Bill, a gay man was

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to

One night a robber broke into a home and heard

There is this dumb blonde who likes animals, but

One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching

Two guys were working for the city. One would

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in

A man that lives on a farm wakes up and goes outside

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer

In prison you spend the majority of your time in

To my darling wife: During the past year,

As he is quietly watching television at home, a

When an attractive young girl returned from her

There was an old couple lying in bed watching TV

Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

A panda walks into a bar. He sits down, and asks

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

   As you grow older, what lost

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Your

    Stupid people should have to

$ Michael Jordan having "retired,"

An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

Which Valentine's Day gift would you like? To determine

1. In the company of females, intercourse

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with

A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,

An elderly couple was watching television one evening. The wife said, "I am going to get a dish of

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" A

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing and concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California

A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink.

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly

I hope that this will once again confirm that the most important information in your life won't come

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

randpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

Dear Diary: Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK....You spend most of your

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables and when

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,HONEY, COULD YOU FIX

A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story came up about a man who was threatening

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw,