water

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.When she is 28, she is a hockey ball -

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies

An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that

A boy and a girl in a PAP Kindergarden.The teacher gave the children some homework to do at home, and

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

TEACHER: Why are you late?WEBSTER: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?WEBSTER: The one that says,

RelationshipsWhen a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and

A Doctor was addressing a large audience: "The

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach

A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious

Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,

One day a man forgot to tell his wife the couches

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor

Q: What's dumber than a brunette trying to build

A Canadian, an American and a China man are stranded

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

This week, the Bush administration finally released

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at

There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about

The American Dairy Association was so successful

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks

1. Britney Spears & Eminem Who, combined, have

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder

Ice Cube Mix Tricycle Kickstand Solar Flashlight Dehydrated

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

If you think no Christmas dinner is complete

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle

You're so ugly, when you were born, the doctor

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

All quotes 100% authentic, and courtesey of George

How's Your Melon Smellin'? Two women were walking

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London,

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

George W. Bush, Clinton, and Gore were all in heaven,

Possible Courses: ESSENTIALS OF BONG DESIGN: Discover

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

1) You've ever had to lug a paint can to the top

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

A drunk man stumbled into a church where there

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.

What do you get when you slip on water? A waterfall!

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they''re on

What's the difference between boiling water and

Two whales are swimming along one day, bored. One

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells

There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen

Q: What is the difference between a boat and a

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the

These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander,

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and

A man on a plane asked the stewardess if he could

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid? Because

How do you make Holy Water? You boil the

Three men are found in the wilderness by civilized

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for

You know you're old when you refer to your waterbed

10) Who the hell Begets anymore? 9) Memo to Adam:

Why does Miss Piggy douche with vinegar and water?

What's the similarity between American beer and

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was

1.Come out of the stall with wet hands. 2.Pour

1: You tell them that you went to the museum, saw

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of

A millionaire decides to throw a massive party

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to

Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required

A sailor and a pirate walk into a bar. They sit

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs

A man is fibbing away about how great things

1) In the middle of class, run to the middle of

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying

Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about

Three vampires walked into a bar. The first one

Once a lady wanted to leave the U.S.A. but couldn't

A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's

Three men were on a road trip. their car broke

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

There was a blonde driving down the road one day.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Phyllis! Phyllis

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp

One day avant-garde violinist Malcolm Goldstein,

Yo mama is so fat, when she wanted a water bed

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Q: How do you get a German out of the bath? A:

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very

A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish.

One day Bob and Bubba went fishing. They were catching

*Stand on top of the high board and say you won't

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by

Yo mama's so dirty, the U.S. Army wants to use

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

How does a redneck take a bubblebath? With

Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms

Q: What does an egg say after it's put in a bowl

The three remaining members of Pink Floyd get in

Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant,

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar

There once was a man who decided to go scuba diving

Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

How did the blonde girl put out her cigarette?

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

Why can you not teach blondes to waterski? When

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

What do you get when you mix cigarettes with hot

There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed

Q: What color are raindrops? A: Watercolors.

Yo mama is so dirty she has to creep up on the

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole

An elderly couple decided to take a cruise to spice

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when

Q: How do you sink a Polish ship? A: Put it

John and Sam are two neighbors always in competition.

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first

What do you get when you mix holy water with castor

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

A wife comes home and tells her husband, “Dear,

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her

A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl

One day Reverend Smith went to visit Mrs. Jenkins,

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist,

Do you know why flies have wings? So they

You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

Yo mama's so fat, first she filled the bathtub,

Q: Why do hippos have sex underwater? A: Because

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A minister has just died and is standing in line

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

SON: What vegetable makes your eyes water?DAD:

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

A fly flies back and forth over a river repeatedly.

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye,

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex? A:

Q: What are the ingredients for the new, improved

Q: What's the difference between Watergate and

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A:

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

"No, really, I'm OK to drive."    

It seems there was two brothers by the same name

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

Are you considering having children? To determine

Two Texans were having the blue plate special at

10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master

This should be sung to the tune "A Few of

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

An executive was in a bind. He had to get rid

A few clowns short of a circus.Ã, Ã, 

NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose

    Every night after dinner, Merle

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he

Run one lap around the office at top speed

A judge was punishing three men because they had

Who lit the fuse on your tampon? Support Cannibalism

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion

Malamute x Pointer = Moot Point, favorites of lawyers

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

Bubbles and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their Uncle, who had been a seafaring gentleman

Genuine extracts from Letters Sent to Landlords: I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

All of his life Ole had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough

A man walks into the dentist's office and after the dentist examines him, the dentist says, "That

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

1. They start paying everyone in sea shells. 2. The Dairy Queen on the corner is threatening a hostile

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A lady went to the bar on a cruise ship, and ordered a Scotch, with two drops of water. The bartender

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2.

TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN: ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and

Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't

10. The water-proof towel 9. Glow in the dark sunglasses 8. Solar powered flashlights 7. Submarine

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University

Ok now, you and the lil missus is walkin home frum a good day of doin yur cumunity servis hours when

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State

Pretty soon, I won't be able to do anything except sit in my chair and read! I must send my thanks

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. "Veronica,

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't eat. The Doctor explained

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Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days with no food and little water... One

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

1. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." 2. "I've always wanted

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells

January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. February - Couldn't work

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so

Think a gallon of gas is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective. Diet

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: 5%

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby." 14. "I sure hope your

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.

Here's why . According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's,

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes,

Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions,

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

After eight days of backpacking with my wife, we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning she came

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan

The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to the nearest bar and

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

*A few clowns short of a circus *A few fries short of a Happy Meal *An experiment in Artificial Stupidity *A

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

A man was trapped on a deserted island that was sinking into the sea. As the water lapped around his

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the big table he looks into his small bowl.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist. "Come now," coaxed the doctor,

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him,

Blonde Boater A True Story Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

A chemistry instructor wanted to teach his ninth grade class about the evils of liquor, so he created

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

There were two men trying to decide what to do for a living. They went to see a counsellor, and he

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

Felix from the odd couple went on a ballon ride. He did not have enough hot air and crashed in a remote

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have

The moon shone silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were beating on the shore were

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor?

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners who he knew being an unkempt housekeeper.

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the