wearing

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!"I grabbed my stuff,

Q: In Europe, what do you call a female wearing sunglasses and a big hat?A: A rich ladyQ: In China, what

A big-rig operator stopped to pick up a female hitchhiker wearing REALLY short shorts."Say, what's your

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a

Ah huay went for a job interview, and when the manager saw him wearing a colorful shirt, golden hair,

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.The most effective

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving

A man wearing a Democratic pin walks into a bar

A firefighter is working on the engine outside

A guy walks into a psychologists office wearing

A fat man sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next

RANDOM AND CHEAP MARTHA STEWART JOKES What is

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop

A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City. It's

A woman wearing a strapless gown and sporting a

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary

What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs? Anything

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

Men can't pack a bag. Men wouldn't be caught dead

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

How's Your Melon Smellin'? Two women were walking

Mary Lou, the blonde, was out playing in the garden

George W. Bush was caught breaking the White House

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

A few clues to being a true Louisianan: 1. Your

The way this game works is every time the word

How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any

A mother goes to visit her daughter. She walks

A Scottish wife, an English wife, and an Irish

A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother.

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load

A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from

Q: How do you know when an Australian woman has

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing

How To Shower Like A Woman... * Take off clothing

Mrs. Andrews named her cat Love because it was

A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding

A man walks into a bar next to an extremely hot

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But

A young man wished to purchase a present for his

Two college students are in Ireland for a vacation

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and

This guy is standing outside on his balcony on

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide

(which in our society means over 25) An older

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was

A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

A woman goes over to her married son's house and

How do you tell a blonde isn't wearing underwear?

One day four boys were playing soccer in the schoolyard.

Three nuns used to go to the church from their

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they

A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed

Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose?

A good-looking woman walks into a bar wearing a

A Mismatched Pair of Gloves A young man wished

What weighs 2,000 pounds and pinches? An

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot

A guy goes over to his friend's house and knocks

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only

A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head.

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer

Belts. Women use belts an an accessory, guys use

Dear Tide, I have always used your product

Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle

Why didn't anybody hear Helen Keller scream when

A survey of top personnel executives of 100 major

Yo mama's so smelly, when you were being delivered,

Yo mama's so fat, instead of wearing Levi's 501

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat

Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally

    White House staffers were perplexed

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

    Marol spent her wedding night

1. I'll swallow it all.. I love the taste.

    Stupid people should have to

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

A brash young man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a stunningly attractive woman. He gives

Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a commercial saturation diver for

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

A builder and a priest are out for a game of golf one afternoon. Unfortunately the builder wasn't

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

A retired corporate executive, now a widower, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax! I met the surgeon general.

This guy walks into a bar wearing a Lion jersey and carrying a little dog that also has a Lion jersey

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New

A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch,

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um,

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful,

10. Your visa card and your belt both hit their limit. 9. She's been wearing an engagement ring

Bill and Hillary are at a Yankees home game, sitting in the first row, With the Secret Service people

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone

10. Your Viagra prescription includes a Popsicle stick and some duct tape. 9. The only 100% covered

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his

NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady truck up a conversation and

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

Always wear brown shoes when Congress is in session. If the First Daughters are wearing short skirts,

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

I know you have an interest in poker - here's a twist. Two couples were playing cards one evening.

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets. Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. 2.

Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am. 9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women

A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the

A Policeman was drilling 3 blondes, who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in

It's even hotter than usual in Phoenix, 116 degrees sets a new record, the Associated Press reports: About

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

Suddenly there was a mad uncontrolable burst of laughter and the team captain asked John if that was

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and

trucker hauling computers and accessories is driving down the highway late one night when he sees

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 5 year old son with her to the bank on a busy Friday. They were in

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives

You might be a Redneck Jedi if..... you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." your

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the

The widow takes a look at her dear departed one night before the funeral and, to her horror, finds

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem