whatever

Enough with the Poking, Lets Just Have Sex He pokes her, she pokes him, they poke each other back

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to

A guy was setting up like a bank account or something like that, and he was being taken care of by a

George W. was out jogging one morning along the

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says

Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when

There once was a lowly snail, who was busily crawling

What a woman says, what she really means... I

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from

A man goes to the doctor and gets a check up. The

In a city park stood two statues, one female and

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

A virgin boy turns 18, and asks his dad for money

Three girls named Samantha, Janet and Rebecca were

What did Tennessee? Whatever Arkansas.

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under

Never say anything about a man until you have walked

There was a guy driving down the road when he ran

Once there was a guy that went in a whorehouse

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little

A man walking along the beach finds a magic lamp

One day a man was planting flowers outside his

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers.

An old wizard was walking through a park when he

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

There are approximately two billion children (persons

A football player walked into a motel on a rainy

A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel

    This is an actual job application

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

Bill was in the hospital for a complete check-up.

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

    A few months ago, there was

Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather

Two statues stood in a city park: one female and

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his

1) Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

    The following information was

There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween

A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba

Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' If we're in the backyard and the TV in

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays (actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms) Her

Me: Hello. AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T. Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T. Me: This is

Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been

1) The new policy on sexual harassment includes your photo. 2) The Security guard makes a complete

1972: Long hair 2002: Longing for hair 1972: The perfect high 2002: The perfect high yield mutual

- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted? - For the longest time I lived with a

The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. "The Law

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

A Russian and an Newfoundland wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold medal. Before the

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. Her face was a perfect oval,

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK....You spend most of your

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other

A tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives,

You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. He tells you

Alaskan Birthday Party Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister

A man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist asked, "Yes