where

Original List aged 20: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5.

Joan, on an airplane, strikes up a conversation with the geeky computer programmer sitting next to her. "Where

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first

A 93 year old man sitting on the street, crying. A woman asks him, what’s wrong? The old man

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand,

In a company there's this tai-chi king. His tai-chi has reached the level where even the boss could do

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation during dinner:WOMAN: What would you do if I

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.He

This story occurred on Melbourne radio. One of the stations has a competition where they ring someone

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and

There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn't know about her occupation.One day, the

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:"Your

An old man was sitting on a bench crying when a lady approached him and asked if she could help. The

A man walked into a bar one night. He went up to the bar and asked for a beer."Certainly, sir, that'll

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

A young man called John died and he went to Heaven to begin his afterlife journey. However, he was stopped

AUDI:Another Ugly Deutsche InventionBMW:Bought My WifeBrings Me WomenBrings More Women butBroke My WalletCHEVROLET:Can

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall- I am very sorry about that, I didn't see you I

A Husband and Wife go to the hospital to deliver their child. The doctor meets them and tells them that

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

PPO = Preferred Provider OrganizationHMO = Health Maintenance OrganizationThe Queen of England was visiting

Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel,

At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology, gave an example

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

A guy was talking with his friend in a bar and told him, "My sex life sucks, just when things start to

Ali married Aminah. Ali was so innocent that he did not know how to consummate the marriage (actually

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.She is half discovered, half wild.Between the ages

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy. When

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower -

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive

I just want to call attention to the fact that

Stan and John are walking to school one day and

There were three priests in a railroad station,

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed

One day, a priest decides to take a walk to the

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators

Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. ââ,¬Å"Iââ,¬â"¢ve

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun.

A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere

Q: Where did the sheep get its haircut? A: The

This guy breaks into a house, and starts stealin

Yo mama is so dumb she put a quarter in a parking

There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American,

One day a teacher told her students to draw a train

On Irish radio there is a guy called Larry Gogan

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

Yo momma is so dumb that when the waiter brought

While going through his wifeââ,¬â"¢s dresser

A man came home from work one day to find his wife

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After

There were two blondes at the park. One says,

Where do one legged people work? IHOP!!

One day in the middle of the desert a man's car

Why did the zombie baby cross the road? To wreak

A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy

What do Saddam Hussien and General Custer have

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama

A bank robber was running from the law. The police

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

Three blondes died and found themselves standing

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? ââ,¬Å"Such

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the party?

EXCITABLE : Shorts half twisted around, cannot

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of

1. "You get this round and the next round is on

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

The American Dairy Association was so successful

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started

A very religious man lived right next door to an

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not

I don't know where you got your face from, but

There was a 40 year old man called Ian, and he

Whats the best thing about dating homeless girls? You

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

Once again the female staff will be offering courses

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking

There was an American man that had an meeting in

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks

Yo mama is so ugly, when you came home from school,

There was this woman see, and she takes a lover

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

A man takes his wife to a livestock show. They

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come

Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale,

You've lost the feeling below your ankles. When

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite movie? "Dude,

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded

A woman arrives home from work and her husband

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so

A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them

A female Olympic swimmer was talking with one of

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What

What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common?

Fifty Ways To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited

"Where did you get those zacklies?" "Zacklies?" "Yeah,

I think Santa Claus is a woman... I hate to be

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company,

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no

Question - What is the difference between a liberal

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

A GOOD ONE... enjoy. There was this case in the

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when

A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when

A army doctor walked into a room to check on his

George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot,

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you

George W. Bush is the President Dick Cheney is

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were

How's Your Melon Smellin'? Two women were walking

Once a Sardarji (a caste man in India ) goes to

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

A man from Atlanta moved to New York. As he wandered

During the Super Bowl, there was another football

Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3.

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs: Guys,

People get really upset when you use the "F" word.

SEX CONTRACT I, _______________________, hereby

A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage

A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium:Once

And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed

A 13 year-old old paperboy knocks on the door of

There was a Northern lady and a Southern lady sitting

A hillbilly is sitting in a bar, drinking, when

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

The manager of a megastore came to check on his

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in West

Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club,

God, Jesus and John the Baptist are playing golf

1) The president is not in his/her office at this

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip

Two women, one from the north and one from the

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

Before you leave your house... 1. Put on a little

Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had

Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street

A drunk man stumbled into a church where there

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

A son walks into the living room and asks his dad

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the

An eighty-year-old man is sitting on a park bench,

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter,

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked

Three clergymen were sitting in a boat, fishing.

An American cowboy was traveling in England and

A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but

Where do lady ghosts go for haircuts? The Boo-ty

There was this Indian who just came back from a

A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

There once was a little kid named Billy who loved

So this guy is in Rhode Island hunting for geese.

There was a lady, who had a dog that she loved,

An elderly couple decided to celebrate their 50th

Q: Where does a bee pee? A: At the BP station.

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That's

Yo mama is so poor, when I asked her where the

A man with an average handicap decides to play

A drunk is driving through the city and his car

A man hails a taxi, and gets inside. "5th and

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him. "You

One day, a farmer decides to buy a new rooster

This guy was driving along a country road. Along

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A

Q: My fiancee still has feelings for his old girlfriends.

As usual, things were not going well at the United

A young Indian brave goes up to the Chief and says,

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

Where'd you get that? Get what? That stupid look

Why did God give women belly buttons? For somewhere

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

One day there was a woman who was about to have

1. People who point at their wrist while asking

Yo' mama's like Sprint -- ten cents a minute, anytime,

I'll get a world record for this. Let me reach

From: General Manager To: Departmental

Where does a ship go when it's sick? To

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning.

A traveling salesman is in West Virginia when he

A little boy came home from school one day and

A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He

A blonde and her father are walking down a street

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

One fine sunny morning a man decides to go golfing.

A travelling salesman's car breaks down in the

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway.

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A

A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where

After much careful research, it has been discovered

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a

A couple has been married for 50 years. One day

A man walks into a bar and sees a large chest of

A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran

Back in the days of cowboys and Indians, toilet

1) Excitable -- Shorts half-twisted around, cannot

A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.

A man went to England on a trip and met a woman

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe

Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no

A man notices a peculiar rash on his chest. The

A man loses his hat, so he goes to church to steal

There were these two people in a bar, a boy and

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

The European Union commissioners have announced

One day, a pod of whales was swimming along when

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

Do you know why Santa is always so happy? Because

One upon a time there was a town with a new church

A month before Prom night the daughter goes to

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The

One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and

A guy and a blond are on a date, and after dinner

Once upon a time there were two men. One of them

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried

Joe tells his wife he is heading out to the pub

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

Two old ladies were standing on a street corner

Where is the world's fastest chicken from? Ethiopia!

1. Throughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many

A city girl was driving back to town after attending

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

There was a contruction worker who was working

One day, there's a man and his wife driving along

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things.

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and

A man is participating in a golf tournament. He

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

Where do you get Virgin Wool? From an ugly

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter

Golfer: Notice any improvement since last year?

A little boy was in school, he raised his hand

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting

Ole was on his death bed. But before he died,

A guy walked into a bar and saw a golden mug on

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says

There was a guy in the middle of the desert and

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

A girl was standing talking to her friends when

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You

ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name:

One day there were four people absent from class.

There was once three roughnecks named Crap, Manners

This mafia family was in need of a collection

One day Gary Condit's wife died and went to heaven,

You're so poor I went to your house and asked

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters

A man named Jed went hunting near the border of

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island,

There were three guys who where rowing a canoe

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and

A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on

One day Ed, known for always being broke and shabby,

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

One day, on a trip to the Grand Canyon, three rednecks

"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country

Q. Why is it called the wonder bra? A. Because

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very

Three hang-glider pilots, one Irish, one Australian,

One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were on

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

Tom walks out of a bar, swaying back and forth

One day in a small redneck town in the middle of

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted

How many lawyers does it take to change a light

One day, Mrs. James was taking a shower, when suddenly

Once there was a substitute teacher taking over

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately

Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Backdoor

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives

Once there was a group of vampire bats that lived

A teacher was having a tasting day where she would

Once a man walked into a bar and sat down at a

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a

In the suburbs, there's grass. In the ghetto,

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

One day a little girl came running into her house

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

Three nuns used to go to the church from their

If good girls go to heaven and bad girls go to

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food. CHECKOUT LADY:

Hillary Clinton died and went to Heaven. St. Peter

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2.

A group of guys are on their way to a party, but

A lady ran into the lobby at a golf course. ''I've

But everybody looks funny naked! You woke me

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

In America, they say it's 10:00 do you know where

Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: Because

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So

"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?"

About ten years ago, George Bush was visiting Mikhail

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

The teacher was checking her student roster on

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

The strident prosecutor begins: ''Ladies and

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout

One day, there was a man sitting on a bus. Since

One day, an old lady decided that she didn't want

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed

What did the termite say when he walked into the

Q: Where do you go when your hand falls off?

Three little boys were sitting around talking about

There was a young man whose parents beat him all

A travelling salesman is out in the country selling

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his

What do you call a women who knows where her husband

Q: Where do one-legged people eat? A: IHOP

Where do you find a dog with no legs?Where you

A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks

Hallo? Is this Giganta? Giganta Crotchetta? Oh,

This man decided that on his birthday he was going

There was once an old pheasant who was chatting

Dearest John, I went to the door today and the

A man named George was new in the city and needed

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant

There were three strings that walked into the bar.

A guy is drinking in a bar, and the bartender asks

This Koala bear hires a hooker on the streets of

A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex

A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they

A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in

There is this extremely horny guy who loves to

A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly

There was this guy named John that went to heaven.

Why is Clinton having such a hard time deciding

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk

A man walked into work on Monday with two black

Two old people hit it off at a singles bar. After

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer

Ghost Poopie- The kind where you feel the poopie

There was a chicken and a horse playing together

A young boy of four was going into hospital to

These two boys were talking about their sex lives

Two 6 year old boys were attending religous school

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

Where do cousins come from? Auntholes.

How do you get your wife to scream real loud when

A little girl came home from school and told her

A very respected Captain in the foreign legion

Two tourists were traveling through Louisiana.

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye

Where does a king keep his armies? Up his

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags

A woman went camping and while she was out she

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

John went on vacation to Helopisa. As soon as he

One day while a wife was working in the kitchen,

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman

A man arrived at a small village in India, and

Three mice are sitting in a bar. The first one

Why did the pregnant lady cross the road? I

Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise?

A young fellow walks into a bar. An old crotchety

A couple has been together for thirty years and

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.

There were three extremely poor men. They were

A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon in Hawaii.

A wife comes home and tells her husband, “Dear,

There is this couple, and the wife is very self

A computer flashed a message to its user: "I

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and

There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist,

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates

Q: Where do blondes go to visit their relatives?

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00

Two blondes are walking down the street when one

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to

An atomic bomb went off in Washington and everyone

In prison you spend the majority of your time in

These individual quotes were reportedly taken from

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where

One day, a mother was taking a bath when her 5

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Once there were 3 little pigs who lived together

One morning, a man approached the first tee, only

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to

Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

One friend was talking with another friend about

Where would you learn how to make ice cream?

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan

There was a young country boy who was very bright.

The pentagon said they had too many generals running

Son: ''Dad, where did all of my intelligence come

Where is an elephant's sex organ? In his feet

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere

Bill Clinton calls his intern. ''Come into the

This lady is throwing a party where each guest

Three men heard rumors of a mountaintop where God

Two blondes are walking down the road when one

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy

I was up all night wondering where the sun went.

A man and a woman met in an elevator. ''Where are

Two brothers are getting ready for school. One

One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking

A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What

Women think they already know everything, but wait...training

A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection

    A guy sticks his head into a

    Three blokes enter a disabled

Make love, not war. Hell, do both: get married! *

Ã, Ã, Ã,  A Frenchman, an Englishman and

20) "That's weird..." 19) "It's

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

A madam opened the brothel door to see an elderly

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned

'You Were an Accident' 'Strangers Have the Best

    NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

Two engineering students were walking across campus

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs

Upon dying, Bill Gates went to purgatory. St. Peter

JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill

Members of Congress...people of America....I banged

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

Intelligence Test Instructions: Write each of

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and

We all know those cute little computer symbols

    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in

   As you grow older, what lost

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders

"I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going

Three couples were married and stayed at the same

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent,

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

The following letters were taken from an actual

There was this couple who had been married for

A man who was a little slow was visiting his wife

    The curator of a Western art

1) You define summer as three months of bad

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada

    A fireman came from work one

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

A man gets to his seat on the plane, and is surprised

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) Dogs

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten,

The headwaiter of a five-star, elegant restaurant

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you

Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a

    In Lebanon, men are legally allowed

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

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A girl from New York and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The

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Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their commode. Finally,

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An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He

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Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette

After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claiming that he was

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The George W Bush Presidential Lie-berry is now in the planning stages. You'll want to be the first

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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.' --

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While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

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Closer Than You Think! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall, "$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On

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"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says:

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

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Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

An Englishman A Scotsman and an Irishman are all setting in a bar in New York discussing about how

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A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

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A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda,

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1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career

A man and his wife were working in their garden 1 day and the man looks over at his wife and says

A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China or Iran. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing

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I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad

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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one

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Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy

This is a true account recorded in the incident log of Jasper Cty, SC Sheriff's Office. An elderly

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A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream,

A young boy had just gotten his driver's license and inquired of his father if they could discuss his

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A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

Bobby-Joe was riding in Jeds truck Jed pulled over, got out and pointed down yawnder and said, "Thats

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2) Oysters' balls are

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself? Doctors

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney construction site. The foreman

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about

A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided to dress up and go out. The

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300 ft. red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late

welve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row,

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that

If your unfortunate enough to have to visit Yankee Country - like Boston (pronounced BAH-stin), this

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

In a small town in alabama, joe bob decides it's time for his cousin, 19 year-old Billy Bob, to learn

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

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Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon

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Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite

Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This

An Afghanistan diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Logic is a systematic method

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss

A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos: you never know what's going

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress

BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. BRIDE: A woman

In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are. The awards

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies,

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats

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A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch,

No matter what you do or where you go, you're always going to be yourself. And Panexa knows this. Your

"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for new slogans. Here

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

Subject: PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD ... GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down in their old neighborhood. To

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf

Ole and Sven from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl:

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint? Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things. Customer:

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you

Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. You don't care

Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three

A man walks into a bar and sees a good-looking woman sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says,

Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations

A young guy from Missouri moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything-under-one-roof" department

Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and

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I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant

What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable.

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?"

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. "Need some help?" a secretary

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However,

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

This is a true story.. An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car,

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A

A Mexican family crosses the border to the Land of Milk and Honey where the streets are supposed

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He

A Man And A Young Beautiful Woman Are Engaging In A "Romantic Affair" In The Lovely Young Womans Bedroom.

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. but when

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. * Learn from your parents' mistakes

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

I think Santa Claus is a woman .... I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar. "It was

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a farmer. One morning, on his way out to the fields, the farmer says

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

A man comes up to the cashier and she notices that his fly was open. She looks at him and says, "Your

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2.

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild,

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t . 2. I don't know what your

You live in Arizona when.. 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade. 2. You

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him

CHILD : Dad, where did I come from? DAD : Okay, we had to have this conversation some day!......

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender. For example... 1) Ziploc Bags- They

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like

A man went to the beach to work on his tan. In his hotel room that night, he noticed that he had a

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

25. Come up with 50 new shades of gray for Martha Stewart Paints. 24. Start marketing new "Martha

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

A girl from Louisiana and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

George Bush goes to a primary [elementary] school to talk about the war. After his talk, he opens

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.

I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military.

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son, 18 year old Billy Bob, to

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods finding it

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel

"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one,

randpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show and the preacher said, if the viewers

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor

10. "Clocks are five hours fast" 9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language" 8. "Harry

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked

On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

SUNDAY: 0800 - My 33 Sons 0830 - Osama Knows Best 0900 - I Dream of Mohammed 0930 - Let's

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and

HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

A man was traveling north to Alberta. He needed to use the bathroom and so at a rest stop he goes into

These, are real answers given by children. Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and

A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The house was in his name

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation.

DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you

This is why God invented menopause....... With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65

These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers

Bob dies and goes to the pearly gates where he waits in line. As he draws closer he sees there are

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

Little Jenny walked into the kitchen one day and looked up at her mother, who was busy cooking dinner.

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual

two Old Ladies Were Outside Their Nursing Home, Having A Smoke, When It Started To Rain. One Of The

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts

The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly

A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

I live in Texas. I also have two friends that are blonde and sisters. One day, they approached

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon

An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US

As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a couple who

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative

A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

Bill Clinton took a jog near his new home in Chappaqua. And on each run, he happened to jog past a

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was

Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey --

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th

One day, Jesus and the Devil were both working on their computers. Jesus was typing away. The Devil

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one

The American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male

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A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of

A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

The ambassador of a small African nation chanced to visit Russia, and was entertained by his opposite

Frank was excited about his new rifle, and decided to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown

So, the tyrannical sergeant major is called to the Colonel's office: "Smith's mother has just died

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his height and spots a man below.

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech, and walks out into the lobby where

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached the gas

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house)

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. --Henny Youngman The best way

The story is told of a Mexican bandit who robbed a Texas bank of $250,000 and escaped across the river. A

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused,

..she sent me a fax with a stamp on it ...she thought a quarterback was a refund ...she tried to

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went through the standard training,

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven at

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer getsdissatisfied with the level

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

A philosopher went into a closet for ten years to contemplate the question, What is life? When he came

An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding one day when suddenly, Steve falls off

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?" The

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. One of the engineers who miraculously survived

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may

This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy. A blonde woman walks into an auto

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

There were two ministers who met each Sunday morning riding to their particular church. They both enjoyed

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices

A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the

Curly is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions. He

Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Aussies

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at

There was this guy and he was driving along until he got a flat. He spotted a near-by farm and decided

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car.

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, it being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the

"Daddy, where did I come from?" the seven-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents

Two men arrive at the Pearly Gates at about the same time, both wanting to know if they will be admitted

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength.

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk

A guy walked into a bar in Alabama and ordered a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looked

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her

A mafia Don was golfing with two golf associates: a deaf man and his interpreter lawyer. Since the

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor?

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said, "I

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. By mistake, St.Peter directs him to go below. So,

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blond cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies

A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the

There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. When the usher came by and noticed

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor

It seems a young farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more

A woman is taking a bath (naked, of course) when suddenly she hears a knock at the door. "Can

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all

A site called “Who Represents” where you can find the name of the agent that represents

so michael jackson is on his private plane...and he's in the back with a bunch of little boys. So

Programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can't find a girlfriend with a good on her , reason