window

Gordon Brown, George Bush and Saparmurat Niyazov are flying to a world economic summit. Saparmurat looks

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2. Press any key to continue or any other key to

A computer walks into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender looks over at him and says,

A man walks into a bank,yells at the old lady at the teller window, he needs to open a "fuckin bank account".

In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into a local branch and wrote,

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered

Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him back to her place for the night.When they arrived

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mee Lookee Yu,

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking,

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed,

There's this guy who's in the market for a used motorcycle. Always wanted a nice big hog. So he's shopping

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are

There were three priests in a railroad station,

A guy was speeding down the road when suddenly

One day a man forgot to tell his wife the couches

A football coach noticed that his star tackle,

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York

Nervous Taxi Driver A passenger in a taxi leaned

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

What does Saddam and Fred Flintstone have in common?

What do Saddam Hussein and Fred Flintstone have

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

Saddam Hussein and George Bush are seated next

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can

Angelina Jolie: Puckered squid in mammary sauce

1. If being chased through town, you can usually

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

Gwen met Randy at a nightclub. They hit it off,

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when

Yo mama so poor, when you ring her bell, she sticks

A man and a woman are driving down the same road

A guy was driving his truck along the interstate,

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf,

A highway patrol officer was driving up a mountain

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.

The Keith Richards: Smoked lungfish on a toasted

1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no

Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road

Some say George W. Bush quit drinking because of

A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer

A man was having an affair with a married woman.

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and

The bell-ringer for the church had just passed

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find

How is a computer like an air conditioner? When

Two nuns are at a traffic light, when a man starts

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

Why did the man throw the clock out the window?

Why did the moron throw the butter out the window?

A blind man goes into a whorehouse and asks for

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house,

What's the difference between a blonde and Windows

A lawer just got home from work. As he stepped

There is a accordion player driving home from a

A man was in the waiting room at the hospital,

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding,

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for

Two blondes were driving down the road.The blonde

One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at

Yo mama's house is so small, I threw a rock in

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle.

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to

One day a man goes into a hotel and asks for a

Three drifters are roaming the countryside for

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

What if Data Ran Windows98? WORF: Captain, there

Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her if she

One day while at the White House, the maid was

After World War II, an American soldier was going

The world is going to end in three days, so God

A guy is on a trip with his girlfriend and he only

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney

Windows 95: 32-bit extensions and a graphical

Two men leave a store. One man walks to his Corvette,

(Disclaimer--Some of this stuff is illegal.) *Ask

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to kill

There was this one lady that bought a jar of pickles

Jan.10 5:00 P.M. It's starting to snow. The

A twenty-five-year-old man walks into a bar and

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and

A woman visits her physician. After waiting for

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to

Your face is so ugly, you look out the window and

This pothead walks into a store and says to the

Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor

10) This doesn't look anything like you... 9)

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

A student is taking his final exams. He takes his

Last night I got temporary amnesia and I totally

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving

There was a chicken farmer who owned a talking

Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A:

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered

Why did Bill throw the clock out the window?

A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state

How'd the redneck git lost in space? He rolled

Yo' mama so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

Two drivers came to a bridge over which only one

Q: Why did the blonde throw her clock out the window?

Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

This blonde gets pulled over by a cop, who walks

Yo mama's so fat, when she tried boarding Noah's

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

This Koala bear hires a hooker on the streets of

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden

You wake up face down on the pavement. You

There were these 3 criminals who had just robbed

You so ugly, when you were born, yo' mama threw

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

A farmer has to go out to plow his rental field

A blonde carpenter was fixing up some wooden window

A couple has just finished having sex. They ALWAYS

One day a blonde was outside of her apartment on

There were three extremely poor men. They were

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

A blonde walked into a gas station and said to

There was a hooker who lived in a condo on Lake

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist.

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

    Dick Cheney, President Bush

One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne

    A guy is sitting at a bar in

What do you call two men hanging from a window? Curt

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when

Bobby Knight, after living a full life, died. When

Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer If a packet hits

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

A judge was punishing three men because they had

During WW II an American soldier had been on the

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention

A Scottish old timer is talking to a young man

    Dear Son,    

A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's

One day George was betting on the ponies nearly losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest who had

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

The Pope just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Since he'd

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It's not my fault, Miss Crabtree. You

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. It's tough

During a visit to a hospital for the mentally infirm, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion

After getting all of The Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

Police in Turkey have arrested a 30-year-old shop assistant After he was found lying naked with a

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,"

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people

This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego,

Smart Ass Answer #5: A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

Part of Air Canada's recent settlement with the Unions was hiring handicapped people! So, the other

[The year would not be complete without the Darwin Awards - awarded every year to the persons who

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the day. During that time we regret that you

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction. The

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck,

What the Job Ad says & What it means: Advancement opportunity: Sh*t job Entry level Really

It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning.

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech Support number, complaining about

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience"

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of

Two 90 yr. old men decided to go to there local whore house one more time before it was to late. They

Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter

A .. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do,FOREVER.!!! B... WINDOWS Woman:

It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named

There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks...Rufus and Clarence. They lived

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock. I can't find my puppy, can you

Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks

The local vicar is having a bath, and he's a little bored, so he decides to, 'pleasure' himself. He's

President Clinton wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist

Man Struck by Lightning faces Battery Charge Astronaut takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed,

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman

A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

"Diane, I just don't understand?! I don't have a boyfriend or a husband, I can never get a date and

Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

You might be a Redneck Jedi if..... you ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." your

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?",

A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost

Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing

A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am,

One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation,

A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says:

A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen