wonder

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

One day Bill Gates finally dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly white gates, he sees Saint

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents' bedroom. He got

Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh Beverly Hills furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!"

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.She got a terrible headache and told her husband

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, Harry,

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, so they decided to return to the little

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them

One day, an "Ang Moh" from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs,he felt

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

Little John was playing with his airplane in the back yard and his mother was in the kitchen washing

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari

Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

"If we don't change the direction we're going,

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads

A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros

A woman and a baby were in the doctorââ,¬â"¢s

A tourist walks into a curio shop and sees a life-like

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

There was a man who loved baked beans, but they

What do Saddam Hussien and General Custer have

Saddam Hussein was sitting down wondering who to

There was this redneck that walked into a bar and

Angelina Jolie: I am so in love with my brother

A Drunken Night A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

George Bush is so stupid, he went to a concert

A man went to a cafe and ordered some soup. Half

A waiter asks a man, ââ,¬Å"May I take your

A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout,

"There are only two reasons to sit in the back

Little David comes home from first grade and tells

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common?

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a

1. Hijack wheelchairs and speed around the hallways.

JENNA'S PREDICAMENT Do we really wonder why Jenna

Way back in '97 I wondered why those bands like

An Alabama man turned 18 and went to a local house

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise

Possible Courses: ESSENTIALS OF BONG DESIGN: Discover

How do you describe a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last

A man walks into a bar and orders a double, obviously

There was this Indian who just came back from a

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

A man is away on business, at a convention for

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a

The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus''

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their

Insider's Guide to the Male Vocabulary ''Haven't

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

There was an older man who'd married a younger

I'll get a world record for this. Let me reach

The taxi driver picks up a nun. After a little

A redneck takes his daughter to the doctor to get

There was a guy, who was the most buff guy, and

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an

A man and his wife were invited to a swanky masked

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When

If you throw a party, the worst thing you can do

One day this guy was sitting at this bar in Chicago

The preacher was very distraught after the death

Yo mama's like AOL - so easy to use, no wonder

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth.

A guy was riding down the road when he saw a

One day Bill complained to his friend that his

One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes

* You wonder why singers Sting, Wolf Blitzer, and

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a

Q. Why is it called the wonder bra? A. Because

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

Aliens from Somewhere-Out-There just landed on

Did you ever wonder why they put braille at a drive-up

Five pigs were standing outside a bar. The first

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it, "Form 1040?"

* We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare

Superman was flying around the city and was super

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to

A young, innocent couple got married. On the first

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

Finally, something other than smiley faces....

A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer

A guy who has a stuttering problem says to his

A guy (we'll call him Aaron) was laying down carpet

One evening a mom and dad and two sons are watching

A guy was walking down the road, to a city about

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither

There was a successful doctor who had an office

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

A grade school teacher was asking students what

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers

An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

A university creative writing class was asked to

Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

One day God came to Adam and said, ''I've got some

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?

I was up all night wondering where the sun went.

One day a farmer was sitting around with one of

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three

You might be a redneck if you wonder how service

You might be a redneck if you wonder how service

This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley

There were three women who always hung their laundry

    A couple go to Mexico City for

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

A guy is tossing peanuts into the air and catching

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

If the government is going to put health warning

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but

After his annual checkup, Bob is shocked to learn

Sam and a beautiful woman walk into a very posh

A young blonde stock broker was bored with her

There are three men in a hotel each wanting

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to

A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens

It seems that a young couple had just gotten married

Ã, Ã, Ã,  Two young guys were picked up

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

    A fireman came from work one

This guy is not getting along so well with his

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

Three friends die in a car accident and they

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) Dogs

A woman went to the mall to buy Valentine's Day

When you are dating..... Farting is never an

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting

Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they

A man and a woman who have never met before find

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner.

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are

Listen my children, and you shall hear Of

Three nuns die and go to heaven where they are

John invited his mother over for dinner. During

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to

One day, Jeffrey complained to his friend, "My

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2)

Husband and wife are in bed together. She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder. She: "Oh, that

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am . While his coffeepot

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all

I was working in a scrap yard in Southern England during summer vacation at an engineering university.

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers......They panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles

On his way out of church after mass, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian

A young girl from Ireland leaves home to find work in the bright lights of London. She comes home

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out..... a caterer, band, and a

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Woods turns to Wonder and says: How is the singing career

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could

When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...". When asked about a bus schedule,

Grandma's letter; She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

To all Employees: It has been brought to Management's attention that some individuals throughout

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found

"Are you religious? Because I could be the answer to your prayers." "Is there an airport nearby

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that

Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right,"

During the banquet celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a

There was a German, an Italian and a Missouri Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice

When a woman wears leather clothing: A man's heart beats quicker, and his throat gets dry, and

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

Note: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better.

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son,

A Mexican man becomes an instant millionaire after winning the lottery. With his newfound wealth,

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of

A gentleman was just out of surgery for a appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him holding his

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet

The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The

Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin,

A cab driver pulled up at a stop sign near Central Park in New York. A stark naked woman jumped out

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

There were two brothers. One was very good and tried always to live right and be helpful. His brother

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful (and intelligent) pet dachshund

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do,

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the

An old man was sitting on a bus. A young man sat down beside him. He had spiked hair in all different

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question,

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed

A young woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's

"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their

On their way home after celebrating their 25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening.

A group of girlfriends are on vacation, when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For

A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch whiskey. As the

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band,

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow, Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of

The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Moscow for 2000 rubles

Margaret is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if

A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at

Dude walks into a pharmacy laughing hysterically, orders 2 condoms, still laughing, pays the pharmacist

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how TRUE this is! They actually have a chili

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden death. "We will all die

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the

A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes.

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you

"Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?" a parishioner asked his minister. "Definitely

Every Sunday, a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. This went on for weeks until

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt

A travelling ventriloquist on the road in between jobs decided to practice his craft before his next

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to

A woman is becoming increasingly worried that she might never find a mate. She wonders if there is

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks,

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop somewhere in Washington DC. Picking through the objects

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all