words

Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last

You may not be able to party after marriage if your wife is like this one.............:)Newlyweds This

A couple who had 2 kids decided that whenever they wanted sex, they would use code words so the children

A young couple goes to visit an old couple for dinner. The old husband tells his wife "My beloved angel,

The class was very noisy just now because there wasn't any teacher, but now everyone suddenly turned

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.The

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someoneandwritten the word 'penis' in

George W. Bush is visiting a primary school and

One morning, a man got on an elevator on the fourth

There were three men on death row, a Brit, an American,

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

A seismologist, a meteorologist, and a fireman

An infamous killer is on death row. He is allowed

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN:

1. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch"

1) Compassionativity is not a word. 2) Social

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't

Where do the characters go when I use my backspace

10. Their company logo: two tin cans and a length

George W. Bush was giving a third-grader a lesson

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2.

These are excuse notes from parents (with their

A couple had been married for a long time, but

You know you're a redneck if you think the last

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.

Q: What four words kill a man's ego? A: Is it

A man is away on business, at a convention for

One day, Little Johnny's class was reviewing the

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school.

You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and

Bob was joining the army and they were handing

One day while taking a walk outside of the White

A little boy came home from school one day and

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her

What were Michael Jackson's baby's first words?

There was a long line of souls before the gate

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years

The European Union commissioners have announced

How many perverts does it take to put in a light

In the realm of the Mighty King Gates who has pulled

A grade school teacher comes into class one morning

What are three two-letter words that mean small?

There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater.

You might be a redneck if your baby's first words

Q: What three words mean small? A: Is it in?

What are a typical redneck's three last words?

* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of

A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that

A boy from France comes to America. He wants to

you grind your coffee beans in your mouth. you

A woman is sitting at a bar, enjoying an after

Words can't describe your outfit, so I'll just

A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken

What two words have the most letters in them?

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk

A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at

Children were called upon in a classroom to make

Why do bees hum? Because they don't know

Titles Considered for Monica's Autobiography 1.

A man comes home to his wife, and he is chuckling.

There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot

There are 2 clones, one of the clones is real nice

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful

A security man has a dream that the plane his boss

A businessman was about to go on a long business

Q: What were Tarzan's last words? A: Who greased

Once there were two best friends, named Fred and

You might be a redneck if you think the last words

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get

It was mailman George's last day on the job after

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false

The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

    This is from a contest on Long

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws

One day when the teacher walked to the black board,

    Every night after dinner, Merle

One of the women with whom I work, Donna, has a

Donny is a 17-year-old ninth grader who is becoming

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.

This is not meant to be crude. It is strictly for

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated exchange during a trial. The judge asked both lawyers

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill "A modest

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I''ve got a special game for you. I''ll

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense

TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists. The terrorist leader said,

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't

A young Southern couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I

Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After "Brokeback Mountain"... 1. "I'm gonna pump

I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address. 9. You no longer

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form Dear [____rejectee's name here_____], I regret to inform

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

"Remember, never ask a geek "why"; just nod your head and back away slowly... " Dan Wineman Memory

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. * Keep skunks and bankers and

1. "I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms." - Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer) 2.

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle.

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks

Guy in Arkansas comes home to find two suitcases packed on his front porch. "What's goin' on honey?",

A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The

Who said men don't remember anniversaries? A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally

SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet. SOLUTION - Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud! These are real notes written from parents

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are

Here are some observations about the politicians who run our country. They are from a Washington, D.C.travel

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

1. "I can't find it." MEANS: It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I am completely clueless.

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial

A brigade of Iraqi soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately

President George W. Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the 4th

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during

Every night after dinner, Merle took off for the local watering hole. He would spend the whole evening

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse

It was George the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all