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Warning on a curling iron: Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice... My bathroom has inadequate

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.She protested, "But we don't

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes,

There was a man who had worked all of his life,

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front

Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

There was a guy who worked for Blockbuster video.

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses,

The American Dairy Association was so successful

A woman goes to a plastic surgeon who specializes

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the

Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and

There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd

One day three men were walking along and came upon

A Welshman, an Englishman and a Irishman were being

An elderly couple are watching the 700 Club. The

A man was walking down the street and on the

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man

This really fat guy wanted to lose weight. He tried

After much careful research, it has been discovered

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive

MEMORANDUM RE: Computer Software Warning Last

Yo mama is so ugly that when she worked at the

Following a tragic boating accident, a husband

A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell

A blind man walked into a diner and made a strange

There was a woman who was interested in getting

A very rich man met a beautiful lady and he decided

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are

Once there was a penguin whose car broke down.

One day, two drunks were stumbling around in the

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up.

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub,

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A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself.

Two construction workers were working on the 30th

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island.

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

There once a man who worked in a pickle factory.

A couple was boasting to another couple about their

20) "That's weird..." 19) "It's

      AT&T fired President John

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob.

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish: 1. He went into

First and foremost, we are not obligated to do

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed

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Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

There was an Englishman an Irishman and

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It

A poor minister was having trouble managing his

For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly

Monica's Diary Entry 1 Dear Diary, I'm so excited!

In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday. Sister Mary Ann, who worked for

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant

A banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year

Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's

I am very detail-oreinted. My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything; been to several doctors

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast

A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One

1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and

Ahmed came to the United States from Iraq, and was here only a few months when he became very ill.

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much partying, but now I found out

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot. This parrot

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was

There were two ministers who met each Sunday morning riding to their particular church. They both enjoyed

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter

A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so

At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition

Three guys that all worked bulding high rise buildings sat down to lunch one day. The first one opens

"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Bill told his friend Doug. "Why not add some intrigue to

A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse

Three guys died and when St. Peter met them at the pearly gates, he said, "I know that you guys are

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't