world

Gordon Brown, George Bush and Saparmurat Niyazov are flying to a world economic summit. Saparmurat looks

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully

US Presidential nominee Barack Obama may have beaten Hillary Clinton but he has lost a Gmail id by his

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This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gate, the angel tells Ford,"Well, you've been such a good

In a small airplane there were four people: the pilot, the Pope, Bill Gates and a hitchhiker. They were

Mark your calendar with the multitude of holidays

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts

I just want to call attention to the fact that

Harry and his wife are driving in the country when

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers

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Here's a dilemma... With all your honor and dignity,

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor

Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld are sitting in

There were five people on a crashing air plane.

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising.

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, CLASS OF 2003! First of all

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead

A bear was chasing a little rabbit. "Stop running

After Great Britain's Beer Festival, all the brewery

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

Two rednecks, Bubba and Cooter, decided that they

Why did the chicken cross the road? Part of a

CNN Late Breaking News! It has been reported that

George and Laura Bush were on a private jet en

Yo mama''s so fat, she dont need the Internet -

Hercules, Snow White and Quasimodo were sitting

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." -

* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound

This week, the Bush administration finally released

Ignoring the fact that George Bush declined Saddam

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. His face

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and

There are three nuns in a sanctuary who are about

Yo moma's so fat, she was baptised in sea world.

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You

Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect

Yo mama is so fat, she's the reason they declared

Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington,

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

Be brave -- ask US for more money. Salt and pepper

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the

Both have been called "the greatest enemy of men" Think

December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? What

What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart.

How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 1)

Bush and Cheney went hunting, killed a giant buck,

In this world God made Eve first and one day he

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." ...George

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing

1. Two World Wars and one World Cup 2. Proper

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon

Confucious say, ''There are three kinds of people

All good Southerners already know these, but in

One day three dwarfs went walking and saw a sign

1) Large, loft-style apartments in New York City

One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says,

Yo' mama so fat, she goes to Sea World and they

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle

* Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell

Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide

Q. What would the world be like without women? A.

Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea

A frog leaps out of the magical forest where he

I'll get a world record for this. Let me reach

Four people are in an airplane: the president,

There is this third grade class with this kid named

How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a

After praying nonstop for eight years, God finally

A guy with a very small head was sitting at a bar,

Limp Bizkit and Dennis Rodman are on a sinking

A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man

Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan are sitting

A brunette is walking through the country, when

There are three kinds of people in the world --

10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9.

Hey baby, are those space pants? Cuz your butt

What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and

After World War II, an American soldier was going

The world is going to end in three days, so God

"Jimmy," says the teacher, "what would happen if

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower,

Where is the world's fastest chicken from? Ethiopia!

This Story is true!!! For all of you who occasionally

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country

A southern minister was completing a temperance

Yo mama's so fat, you can see her on the world

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates,

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. Walking

Mother Superior called a young novice into her

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out

1. The only place in North America to get bombed

Things a Man Would Do if He Woke up with a Vagina 10.

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive

One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton,

Rule One: I am aware that it is concidered fashionable

The worst thing in the world to be is a penis:

A teacher asks her class of 3rd graders to use

Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each

After a really good party a man walks into a bar

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married,

One day, a fairy visits a lonely widow and says

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch

What is the smallest hotel in the world? A

A young man fell in a pit one day and found a magic

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw

One night three guys wanted to rob a bank. They

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give

Once upon a time there were three men lost in a

There are approximately two billion children (persons

A man wanted to go on holiday in Ibiza because

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking.

Element: Woman Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island

A blonde goes into a world wide message center

Whats the thinnest book in the world? "What

There was a man once that was always talking about

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were

(Sing to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or

If Oracle made toasters... They'd claim their

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest,

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs.

Q: What's the slowest thing in the world?A: A Mexican

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world

1) You're Different -- And That's Bad 2)

Male Seminarsby Females 1.  Combatting 

1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,

An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and

Due to widespread panic about the Y2K bug, Internet

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically

   As you grow older, what lost

A southern minister was completing a temperance

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION:

There was a great loss today in the entertainment

Steve was in a terrible accident at work. However,

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

But Doctor, You HAVE To! In Turkey, Mehmet Esirgen, 52,

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and

'Twas the night before crisis, And behind White

A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around

(sung to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland) Dogs

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote

Once upon a time, there was a little old man who

There was a world famous painter who, in the prime

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN

    'Twas the night before Christmas

A judge was punishing three men because they had

    For all you guys out there who

1)  A Guide to Arab Democracies 2) 

Our Rights: The following was written by State

Last name: ________________ First name (check

December 14, 1972 My dearest darling John:

God created the mule, and told him, "You

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin, and truth be told he's a virgin too, but she

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for

a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN .. Q. What does HMO stand for? A.

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war.

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old

A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO It is also the most

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency, Washington, DC (AP) Congress today announced that the office

Back a few years ago, I went over to my neighbors house.(She was a blonde), and for some reason she

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her class. She presented each

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more

# 10 Life is sexually transmitted. # 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which

1.Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 2.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 3.Press

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life

Subject: Story with a Moral Story with a Moral In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron,

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa,

Having a rough day? Just in case you've had a rough day, here's a stress management technique recommended

The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think

I really wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting but it is so difficult in today's world to

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the

The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing missing was

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. I

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The

Mrs. Shapiro, the Matchmaker, goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Cohen,

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you. Excerpt is from the US Government

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde were lunching together, discussing what they thought the worlds

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft;

In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three

Bill and Hillary are at the Yankee's World Series Game 6; sitting in the first row, with the Secret

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the Windows XP: 1. Enter

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head

1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours. ST. M O

To the citizens of the United States of America: In the light of your failure to elect a competent

Man "Haven't we met before?" Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic." Man "Haven't

Written by Phil Maggitti Going to War with the Army that We Want. WASHINGTON, D.C. - President

*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. *I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. *WANTED:

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa

George Carlin Speaks Out... I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." "I love cats...they taste just like chicken" "Out

Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying, "It is impossible for your generation to understand

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming Prosecutors Want Victim in Courtroom During

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked how many of the congregation have

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has

This is how today's media would have reported the Normandy invasion to free those living under German

The world's most avid baseball fan, a blonde, had arrived early at the stadium for the first game

1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers

A three year old walked over to the pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office. He

They wanted to allow divorced women to compete in the Miss America pageant. Was that a good idea? Do

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either

A team of American and British archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as

World's thinnest Books available at a bookstore near you. FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac HOW

This year, I resolve to ... 1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3.

Redmond, WA - Microsoft Corporation has reconfirmed its commitment to bringing the "total PC experience"

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about

Male Seminars by Females 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the present time, it is worth reflecting on

Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes

He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. A

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Gardening

Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel

The Sheriff in a small Texas town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the

The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny,"

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her

This is a test for men only and all "real men" will answer "C" to all of these questions. However,

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and

If you had bought $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Mexico. 150,000 Mexicans

A little country boy was sitting on the curb with a quart of turpentine and just shaking it all up;

ABBOT: Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up

What do you expect from such simple creatures!? Their last name stays put. The garage is all

By Scott Roeben was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy

Jose is 17 years old and lives in Mexico. All his life he has wanted to see an American baseball game.

The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring

A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific road accident but miraculously, she managed to pry

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake! Caddy: Think you can keep your head down

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's

Add It Up: Relationship Guide For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer

A young fellow at the state fair stood watching an old Indian. Above the old Indian was a sign that

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from

This guy sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells

A reporter was doing a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive

A couple were golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million-dollar houses.

Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren't going anywhere in life so thought they should

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze

There was a girl who went to sunday school and always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked and pointed

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and

A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His

A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride

The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.

In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One

A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control

The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey

A woman was cleaning her attic with her cat by her side for company. Amongst the boxes and old papers

There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears.

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The