worth

- How do you define optimism? - A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday. - What is the diffrence

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how

A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did.Before

This one is long but well worth reading!In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes,

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

A Texan, a Californian, and Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and

Harry and his wife are driving in the country when

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

In school one day, the teacher decided that in

There was this lawyer who drove his shiny new Lexus

Yo mama is like a Big Mac, full of fat and only

Dear Mr. Blix, Welcome to Iraq! It is so good

My genitals are so gigantic, and yours so woefully

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look

Dear U.S. Citizens, I have the distinguished honor

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were

A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates,

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges,

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his

What's the difference between men and beer?

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains

Why do birds fly upside down over Iowa? Because

Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only

ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19) You are the pioneer type

Horace was born with only one arm but he managed

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and

How does a redneck take a bubblebath? With

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

There once was a man named Joe and he was talking

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe

A dying man gathered his best friends - a lawyer,

Q: What do a Kennworth Semi-Truck and a test-tube

* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's

Two couples go away on a two-week holiday together.

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter."

    This is an actual job application

There was a little boy named Johnny who used to

A women desperately looking for work goes into

A farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted

BETTER HOLD ON TO THOSE PANTIES...THEY COULD COME

    DETROIT--With third-quarter

    One day, a mechanic was working

Ã, Ã, Ã,  An Egyptian man is walking through

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday

Those who have it would be devastated if it

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town,

ASTROLOGY: tells us about you and your future

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend,

September 15     

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job

If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports

1. Men are NOT mind readers. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, US troops in Afghanistan prove they've retained their sense

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it? I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths

An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to

Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of

The Best and Worst Comments Received: "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2..

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

If you had bought $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron,

It's out! Brand new edition of... "You know you're A redneck when......" 1. You take your dog for

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let

Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5

10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year.

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

My other car is a bomb This vehicle makes wide right turns into buildings Allah is my co-pilot My

for All Those Men Who Say, " Why Buy The Cow When You Get The Milk For Free" Here's An Update For

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown Some days you're the dog; some

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem

This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some

Hang on to any of the new State of Arkansas quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface. On one hand, I'm indecisive;

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her. "My daughter, you have

10 INDISPUTABLE TRUTHS BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT: 1. Elvis is dead. 2.

It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following news about a great American icon.. Veteran

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos

Dear Abby, I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the present time, it is worth reflecting on

A science teacher asked her students "Children, if you could own one mineral what would it be? one

Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than

12. Specifications are for the weak and timid! 11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled,

If you recall the old Hollywood Squares show, this will bring a tear to your eyes. They are worth

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours

If you had bought $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With

This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers... Our next song is "Angels

A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated

MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas

A "Kinder, Gentler System" Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on

In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The